lost
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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Thu, Jan 22, 2015
I closed my eyes praying he wouldn't see me. He was behind me holding me as close as possible. I was uncontrollably shaking and on the verge of tears. I can't believe this, why me, what did I ever do, why do I have to go through this? why. I don't understand. I feel so confused, angry, sad, happy? most of all....lost. I buried my face into his neck. He kissed my head, I won't let anything happy to you sweetie I promise.
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"It's because Im in love with you" He says, with a straight face. Not even cracking a smile. I cant help but to laugh at his remark, staring at his serious face. Hes putting a lot into this act. He would never just admit it like that. "No you're not," I tell him after my fit of laughter. I pull at his cheek once before patting it with a smirk, "We just had sex," "And now I love you," He says, immediately after. "We were both desperate," I respond, finally deciding not to pay him any mind. I grab my rag off the counter top, wiping off the spot he is at and continuing down the bar. "I love you" He calls out as I get farther away. I don't react, keeping my back to him and ignoring his shenanigans, stilling scrubbing down the bar. "I said I love you," He calls out again, louder. I can hear his chair scrape the ground and I can see he starts to follow me from the opposite side of the bars. "Do you hear me? I love you" He yells over the noise in the bakery. -- "It's because Im in love with you" I tell him, seriously. "No you're not," He responds simply, "Because then you wouldn't leave me," "You know I love you," I plead, crossing my arms across my chest, "I wouldn't just do this to you, Tony," My arms are folded on my chest but I want nothing more than to wrap them around him and hold him for a second longer. He pulls further away from me, his hands raking over his face, before they drop in his lap. "You were using me," He says softly. Like a moment of realization hit. "No, I love you." I tell him again, unconsciously reaching for his hand for comfort for the both of us. He pulls it back, standing up and not giving me a second glance before he walks off from me. My jaw drops. "I said I love you," I call out from behind him. "Do you hear me? I love you," *** Friends and benefits could never hurt a childhood friendship. Could it? How far will this go? What is there to expect?

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