WaterLily
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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing8m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Tue, Oct 4, 2022
"Why do you wanna leave for college anyway?!" I pretend as if I were deaf or I was separated from the world by a giant soundproofed glass wall. I turned around to see her staring at me as if she is looking for answers, that's written in my face or maybe hidden inside my mouth. I drop the act, exhale aloud and relax my shoulders, putting away the sorted clothes. I am looking for the same answers. "BEcause..." I really don't know, except that i expect things to change magically when i leave this wrecked place. I finish the sentence after a brief pause, "...College is far away from home". Row comes and hugs me from the side, immediately, and says nothing. I hold her arm and grip it around me tighter. As I rest my chin on her arm i feel a tiny droplet of water falling down from above, it hit her arm and rolled down. I never knew I would cry. I snuggle in for the hug and sniff, but pulled away to get my jacket, trying to hide myself. It was a dead silent car ride. It was never silence with Row around. It can be calm and absence of speech, or loud music and ugly singing, or sounds of giggling and laughing. It was not the comfortable silence i was accustomed to. When i pulled in, i realize what i am putting myself into, questioning my wrecked decision. I see people my age everywhere, with books, hopes, dreams, dark circles, passion, exhaustion, love and other things. Only I know I don't belong there.
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For every question WHY You were my BECAUSE Anxiety. Depression. Panic Attacks. A small touch of Haphephobia. After years of abuse and sadness, Charlotte finally puts her past behind her and starts over. She finds a new job, a new group of friends, and Axel; life can't get any better. She can finally breathe. She starts to experience happiness and love, but her past keeps coming back to haunt her, showing up at the worst moments and taking her happiness away. She's thrown back into it face first; the drugs, the gangs, the ex that she promised wouldn't lay a hand on her again... Her new life mixes with her old and her secrets are revealed, promises are broken, and everything becomes too much. ------- "I can't just shut it off." I speak softly, wanting Axel to understand that this is who I am. This is the real Charlotte. "I know. You just...you don't have to be alone anymore, Char." My eyes focus on our entwined fingers as my heart beats wildly in my chest, his words repeating in my head. I stare, feeling the weight of his words sink in slowly. Being alone is all I've ever known. "Let me prove it to you." His words sound like a promise, and I gulp, my eyes finally finding his. I find myself wanting to believe him. Wanting to trust him. So I do. "Okay." ------- #2 in Anxious - 1.2025 #1 in Sober - 2.2026

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