Diary of a Dead woman

I'm alive, I mean, I'm breathing, blood still runs through my veins but am I really alive, to be alive and to truly live are two different things, in my understanding, to be alive is have a heart beat and warm blood in your veins and arteries to truly live is to be conscious, with everything and everyone, to be aware, something we all seem to think we do, it's not always about an adrenaline rush nor is it to be completely happy, to me it's about being free, unchained by the laws of society, the freedom to let lose, to push past the boundaries we have set for ourselves and we have done for others, that's what being alive is to me, a feeling I never get to experience and so I sink into a deeper whole of my own demise and depression and I'm left with a mountain of fermenting anger and pain waiting to erupt