Feel ---- Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugo ---- [BOOK 2]
  • Reads 24,149
  • Votes 993
  • Parts 70
  • Time 12h 9m
  • Reads 24,149
  • Votes 993
  • Parts 70
  • Time 12h 9m
Complete, First published Mar 17, 2022
Mature
***READ 'NUMB' FIRST (ON MY PROFILE)***


Damn it

Todoroki

What the fuck did you do?

Why the fuck did you do this to me?

Why the fuck didn't you come back?

You knew I never meant to hurt you

I know

You know that

And yet

You haven't come back

It's been nearly a week

I can't

I can't handle this

My intentions at the start were to help you

And then part ways with you

To focus on my career

But I got attached

And now I never want you to leave

"I knew this would happen." I muttered angrily, grunting in pain as I kept punching.

"I knew as soon as you got better."

My eyes teared up a bit, but I convinced myself it was anger.

"You wouldn't need me anymore." I said through grinding teeth. "And now you don't need me anymore."

I hit it again, and a sharp, burning pain shot up my arm. I stumbled back and yelled in pain. I sat on the ground and stared at the floor, crying and grinding my teeth.

You always hated when I'd push myself too much

And even after everything

No matter how hard I try

I'm still a failure

I always fail in the end

I always fall short

It's never enough

Nothing I ever do

Is enough to come out on top

It used to be easy

I was just naturally good

Comfortable at the top

And now

I'm struggling just to stay in the running

I stood up and walked to the locker room, slamming the door open and closed. I stood in front of the mirror with my hands on both sides of the sink, staring at my reflection.

I was a mess. My eyes were red from my tears and my expression was exhausted and distressed. My face was tear-stained and I was light headed. Just completely out of it. I had bags under my eyes from stress filled days and sleepless nights, an obvious lack of rest.

No wonder Aizawa confronted me

I look like hell

I feel like hell

Fuck

This is hell
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Loneliness. Depression. Broken. Scared. Devastated. Hopeless. Mournful. Disheartening. Bleak. Joyless. Somber. I have no one. Depression and Loneliness are the only things I feel. My family tries to make me happy, but I just put on a fake smile and cry about it in my room. They act like everything is alright, but everything is not. They KNOW I was devastated about Mom's murder. They KNOW I was heartbroken about Dad's sickness that eventually killed him. That's all I've thought about. Devastation and heartbroken. Just because of those two things. Never in my life I have been this devastating. Dayton, Hayden, Angel, or Monica know how to make me truly happy. Not even my own siblings know how to make me show a real smile. Suicide is all I can think about day to day and I've almost died because of that. DEPRESSION IS A REAL THING. NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FEEL EVERYDAY. NO ONE CAN JUDGE OTHERS ABOUT DEPRESSION OR EVEN MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT BECAUSE ITS A REAL THING. DEPRESSION HAS KILLED PEOPLE. EVERYONE IN MY LIFE JUDGES ME JUST BECAUSE I DON'T SMILE, LAUGH, HUG, OR DO ANYTHING NORMAL PEOPLE DO. I CUT MYSELF, I CRY, I YELL, I VENT, I PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF MY LIFE. Those are the things people are worried about me. "Go kill yourself and join your parents in hell." They say and I just shrug it off and find a private place to hide and cry it out. "I CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE ANYMORE!!!!" I say and I use my sharp nails and cut myself then cry some more. A gun is buried within my arm for defense from my dad, but I use it in case I am tired of society. Then that's when I met the Host Club. They saw my sadness and made me a part of it to repay my debt for accidentally breaking a vase. I am now a Host for men to flatter them, but how can normal guys want me to be a Host when I wear lip earrings, eyeliner, chains, and have a gun in my arm? I'm the definition of Hell. Then he made me smile again, something that I thought I would never get back. Happiness.