This isn't weird.

This is absolutely, definitely, 100% NOT the beginning of a bizarrely elaborate romantic fantasy starring Ben Schwartz. Are you kidding me? That would be so fucking weird. Who does that? I'm 31 years old. I am not the kind of unhinged person that would spend my free time writing creepy fanfiction about a celebrity (whose work I happen to very much enjoy, and I absolutely do NOT have an unhealthy, obsessive infatuation with). Look, if YOU happen to imagine the main character, whose name just happens to COINCIDENTALLY be Ben, as Ben Schwartz, that is on you, you fucking freak. Don't project your creepy fixation onto me.

I am a normal adult human woman writing normal adult human fiction that isn't weird. This isn't weird AT ALL. Seriously, guys. Shut the fuck up.