Where the Ocean Meets the Land

These are the words I choose to let define me, these are the words that I've kept hidden all my life. This is my journey, my story, and I need this grief to be for something. So maybe it's for you, maybe this will help you feel understood and less alone.

(Wallowing)

Wallowing is what I'm best at

Submerging myself into the pain and boiling myself alive in the memories and thoughts

I have no right to feel like this

I force myself to remember

I conjure up the hurt until I am left bitter and unlovable

I go about my day with such force, such rage, as if screaming to the world "I am here! You cannot ignore me anymore"

I put up a wall of you do not know me

You don't have the right to know me

I will live in the web of lies I've spun alone, unsure if I'm the spider or the fly, shaking my fists at God screaming
Why did you put me here when I didn't stand a chance?