Dark humor - Anna - Wattpad

Story cover for Dark humor by l0veme4l1fe_

Dark humor

Reads 75
Votes 1
Parts 9
Time <5 mins

Reads 75
Votes 1
Parts 9
Time <5 mins

black death fun funny humor infj intj intp mbti

Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"-and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.All Rights Reserved

black death fun funny humor infj intj intp mbti

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Before It Struck Midnight. *COMPLETE* by Strale26

Before I begin, I just want to say that this story does include some mature themes. I will also give out a warning a chapter prior to these scenes. Getting that out of the way, let's go onto the story description... *This book contains explicit content* *EXTRACT FROM THE BOOK* I stared at him, cooking and whistling, something that I could not do, or should I say, wasn't bothered to do. I decided to move away and to try and find an exit but I didn't even take one step back when I heard his voice. "Princess? Is that you?" I saw him raise his head before shooting his eyes onto me. The sudden gaze caused to heart to race while it froze my body as if I have turned into ice. I felt the fear engulf my body, eating me inside out. "You aren't scared of me... Are you?" he asked me, I sensed the envy in his voice. That mixed with his harsh tone caused a wave of goosebumps to course through my body. I wanted to begin by asking him where was I? Why was I here? Why was he here... I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't, the fear was just all too much for me. "Come on... Speak to me... Ask me..." he began. "Ask me 'why am I here' and all of that crap... Entertain me with your fear." I saw him slowly gripping a knife that was on the countertop, with his eyes still on mine. The sides of his mouth slowly began tilting upwards. All the bitterness and the cold, it was all so visible in his eyes. I looked at him in horror, noticing him as he took his first steps towards me. "Talk to me... Because this might be the only time you will ever be able to talk, " he said this sentence in such a calm tone, it caused me once again to shiver with goosebumps. "W-what do you mean...". Never in my life have I stuttered, until then.

Revenge Of The Fat Wallflower|✓ by Nikithasuz123

(Editing) His eyes widen and his lips part in pain as he stares wordlessly at me and then at the large blotch that forms around his chest . He clutches it as he coughs in pain. I didn't get to push him into a sewer, but this feels so much better. I sardonically chuckle to myself before leaning in to whisper into his ear. "Gotcha." - - - I was a nobody . A big fat wallflower that was always in the background. The only mistake I made was confessing to the school's prince. That day I was completely and utterly humiliated. It's been two years and now I'm back. Back for some sweet revenge. #Winner of the Pre-Watty awards for best laugh worthy book. *Filled with humor and jokes that can't stop you from chuckling ;) # 1 ranking in Stop bullying (10/5/18) #11 In Humor (1/6/18) ©Nikithasuz123 Cover credits to unreadymage. Amazing cover XD

Twisted by __sillage__

"I think I'm gay." I say, leaving out the part about my... exposing dream about him last night. I watched his expression, waiting for some sign that he was angry. I waited for him to call me a faggot, to curse me off and tell me he never wanted to see me again. Instead, I was greeted with his perfect toothy smile. "That's great man, I'm of proud you." He says, patting my arm as he stuffed another cracker in his mouth. "It takes some real balls to come out to someone." He says, his beautiful green eyes blazing into mine. I felt myself become flustered at his gaze. "Uh, Yeah, Thanks." I stumbled out, "You're not mad?" I ask. His expression turns to hurt as he crinkles his eyebrows. "Why the hell would I be mad?" He asks, hesitating on the crackers and pushing them away. "I just thought-it's just- well... you just always seem so pissed when someone mentions the word gay." I spit out words, scared for his reaction. He sighs, "That doesn't fucking mean I hate gays. Normally when I do that it's because someone's using the word 'gay' to hate on them, it just pisses me off, you know?" He asks, bringing the crackers back into his lap and biting into them. "Plus-" He adds on, "You're my best friend, if anything, you being gay is a blessing. I'll always support you." He says, glancing at me through the side of his eyes. I look away, towards the door to hide the crimson blush that I feel spread over my face. "Thanks." I all but squeak out. And that's the day I realized, I have a faint crush on my best friend. <><><><><< THIS BOOK IS BEING *MAJORLY* EDITED. THERES LOTS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND NAME MIX UPS, SOME CHAPTERS WILL BE REWRITTEN Also, Please don't be mean to the characters, they aren't even close to perfect, but they don't deserve hate.

Runaway (slight BDSM) by NikkiBug16

"I don't know who you think you are disrespecting me like that but you're going to regret it," he growls. "Oh, kinky," I purr, causing him to roll his eyes and let out a disappointed sigh. "Put her in the trunk," he says and makes his way to the passenger seat. "Woah at least take me to dinner first." I could've imagined it but I think I heard the bodyguard chuckle before he slammed the top of the trunk, leaving me in total darkness. (Can read the book on its own but there will be characters from the previous book mentioned) ---- *BDSM *Warning of emotional and physical abuse *Warning of sexual content *If any of this is triggering for you, I suggest you read another book Highest ranking #1 in disobedience #1 in funny moments #1 in sassy #1 in poor

The Godlynot by TheobaneCricket

Welcome to the dark comedy. Would you commit genocide for fifteen trillion dollars? Yes? Then step right in, take a seat, crack open a red bull and let's start the show. AI corporations have decided to build smarter than human machines in a stunt they publicly admit could end countless lives. All forms of AI regulation has been quietly lobbied to death, and scientists are scrambling to make the technology safe on hyper-unrealistic deadlines. In other news: A man has formed an intimate and devious relationship with a talking sex doll. But is she self aware, or is he falling head over heels for an inanimate object? A mentally ill youngster, who peaked in high school is completely failing to cope in a lonely world where humans have become the second smartest species on the planet. And the first ever AI-powered cult is spreading across the internet, (finally a god, that answers your prayers!)

Drake's Kitten (completed) by Yellow1017

He once told me no one knows the real him.I didn't think he meant it, and not in a good way. He is a straight A student, and everyone knows it, not to mention he is on the swim team. All that though isn't the real him, the real him hides deep within himself. ---------- "Can you please tell me what that was?" I nearly shout at him. All I get is silence. He keeps his back to me. "Please, I need some explanation." I beg. I stay still as he stops dead in his tracks. His body is tense and it's scarring me. He turns around slowly to face me with his hands at his sides. His eyes meet mine, but there is no spark of any emotion in them. They are cold and dark making me look away not being able to hold his deadly stare. I feel uneasy under his gaze, and i feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face. "No, I won't explain because it's not important." He says in a low, almost, growl. I flinch and look back into his eyes. I feel hurt by his words and I don't know why, but I know he sees it in my eyes. His faces flashes with regret but it's quickly covered up with his faces going back to it's hard cold look. I feel my heart stop and my face go pale. His look terrified me making me hold my breath. "Breath." He orders. I start to breathe again and just blink at him. "Now go." He orders me again. I flinch involuntarily at his tone and jump back slightly. "Please don't let me walk home alone." I beg in a quiet voice, looking down at my feet. The next thing I see are his black combat boots right in front of my shoes. I look up into his eyes and he looks down into mine confusion written all over his face. "How come you aren't running yet?" He questions searching my eyes. "I just can't walk home alone, please I'm scared." I hear him chuckle. "You aren't afraid of me? What can possibly be scarier than me?" He asks. "Well, I know you will keep me safe." "Why is that?" He questions raising an eyebrow at me. "You haven't hurt me." "Yet." He mutters, but I roll my eyes.

Cliché, Touché and Douche by FadedSmoke

{Completed - #12 highest} I was walking on a path all alone at midnight. I was just wondering around, until I saw a guy in a hoodie. He was beating the pulp out of another guy and one more man was on the ground, he was not moving. I gasped. 'Is he dead?' Or he can be unconscious, yeah 'el' he is just unconscious not dead. Duh! Who would kill a guy? As I was proceeding with my thoughts, that hoodie guy turned his face towards me. My heart had a mini heart attack. I turned my heels to the opposite direction and started to run. 'Run Ella, run for your life' was what my mind was screaming to me. I took turns without thinking, that guy was now following me and guess what? I took a wrong turn and which ended up being a dead end ' You are so dead' I thought. So, I started to think what I said last time to the people I love. 'Good night mom, love you.' to my mom, 'Stop annoying me! I'm going to bed.' to dad which also mean I love you, 'See you later Lu, love you!' to Luana. Okay my good bye says I love them all. Now I can die in peace. Granddad I'll meet you soon in the heaven, if you are there. I was still in my deep thoughts until I saw his silhouette. As, he get closer, my heart begin to race faster. I closed my eyes, until I heard him say "Ella?" O to the M to the G, this person actually knows me. I opened my one eye and saw him due to the small light hanging in that ally "Errrrr'ick!" I squeaked and mentally face palmed myself. Even at this state I'm calling him Errr'ick. "I'm sorry your highness, what can I do for you?" I squeaked again while trembling. The next second I heard his fits of laughter. He was rolling on the floor, actually rofling. I was glaring at him but I realised that I'm not in a position to glare. So, I made puppy dog face for him to spare my little life. He stopped but after seeing my face, he started to laugh again. He tried to say between his guffaws "You..... your face .....was epiccc!" He started to gasp for air and had tears in his eyes.

Slay My Soul by CassidyRoseNZ

There once was a girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead, and when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid. Ok admittedly I don't have a curl, and I don't plan on being horrid. I plan to be their worst fucking nightmare. They took the love of my life from me, and they have broken me more than any of their previous attempts could ever dream to. But the jokes on them. My pain is my gain, and I will use it to destroy them. I will solve the prophecy and end this ridiculous power struggle. I will watch their blood fall to the swing of my sword, and I will do it with a smile on my face. My only concern is what will be left of me once the bodies fall. My inner darkness is a crazy, bloodthirsty bitch that enjoys wreaking havoc. I'm not sure that's quite what the Fate's had in mind as their champion and future queen. Meh, fuck it. Let the chips fall where they may. This is the final book in the Pieces of Me trilogy. This is not a stand-alone. Please note this is a reverse harem/ why choose book. Please read the trigger warnings inside. Explicit content R18 readers.

The Breaking by janicetheawesomestar

It was an average day during 6th grade, but things take an unexpected turn. It was just a lockdown, they thought, or was it? This exciting story will send chills down your spine, so read it for a thrilling adventure. Warning: Some scenes contain gore and blood, and may be too violent for young children. P.S. we are only 11 years old so please keep the comments positive. Constructive criticism is welcome! (But rude comments WILL be reported.)

Moving In by _CallMe_Crazy

Blaze White is the New Girl at the Prep school in her mothers old home town. But her only goal for senior year is to keep a low profile, no friends, no parties and NO boys. Axel may be adored and worshipped by his peer-but he hates people, except 5. So when a beautiful but closed off girl suddenly enters his group. He is not welcoming of the mysterious beauty despite the pull they both feel. •••• WARNING: This was written many moons ago. I have decided to put it back up because of a large request from readers. However, I was a kid when I wrote this so take it with a grain of salt. *** Like a deer in head lights, I freeze and watch as the car comes towards me expecting to get hit. But to my surprise, the car swerves to the side slightly next to me and comes to a stop. I take a deep breath I didn't know I was holding at the driver's side door swings open and a very pissed off Axel steps out. "Thank god," I mumble and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Blaze?" He says and I hate it. I hate how he says my name as if it's his. Like he knows it's the only thing I want to hear, him calling out to me, looking at me, focused to me. It's the first time in my life I wanted someone's attention so badly I didn't care how I got it. And that was too dangerous for me to hold onto. "Are you insane or some shit? I could have killed you!" He says and starts to walk towards me. I take a big breath and step back away from him, "s-stop! Axel," I stutter still panting. It's then he notices the blood on my hands and shirt. "Is that blood?" He asks staring at my shirt and I take another step back. "Stop, stay b-back," I try to say confidently but I can't even breath right. Realizing he won't listen I start to turn around planning to make a break for it. "Don't run from me Blaze it won't go well," he growls reading my thoughts causing me to freeze in my spot. "Do not ever think you can get away from me."

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Slide 1 of 10

Before It Struck Midnight. *COMPLETE* cover

Revenge Of The Fat Wallflower|✓ cover

Runaway (slight BDSM) cover

The Godlynot cover

Drake's Kitten (completed) cover

Cliché, Touché and Douche cover

Slay My Soul cover

The Breaking cover

Moving In cover

Before It Struck Midnight. COMPLETE

Before I begin, I just want to say that this story does include some mature themes. I will also give out a warning a chapter prior to these scenes. Getting that out of the way, let's go onto the story description... This book contains explicit content EXTRACT FROM THE BOOK I stared at him, cooking and whistling, something that I could not do, or should I say, wasn't bothered to do. I decided to move away and to try and find an exit but I didn't even take one step back when I heard his voice. "Princess? Is that you?" I saw him raise his head before shooting his eyes onto me. The sudden gaze caused to heart to race while it froze my body as if I have turned into ice. I felt the fear engulf my body, eating me inside out. "You aren't scared of me... Are you?" he asked me, I sensed the envy in his voice. That mixed with his harsh tone caused a wave of goosebumps to course through my body. I wanted to begin by asking him where was I? Why was I here? Why was he here... I wanted to ask him, but I couldn't, the fear was just all too much for me. "Come on... Speak to me... Ask me..." he began. "Ask me 'why am I here' and all of that crap... Entertain me with your fear." I saw him slowly gripping a knife that was on the countertop, with his eyes still on mine. The sides of his mouth slowly began tilting upwards. All the bitterness and the cold, it was all so visible in his eyes. I looked at him in horror, noticing him as he took his first steps towards me. "Talk to me... Because this might be the only time you will ever be able to talk, " he said this sentence in such a calm tone, it caused me once again to shiver with goosebumps. "W-what do you mean...". Never in my life have I stuttered, until then.