Dark humor
- LECTURAS 110
- Votos 1
- Partes 9
Continúa<5 mins
Última publicación mar, abr 11, 2023
Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"-and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.
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Emily and Samuel ✔️
"Grandmother, what big ears you have." Chuckling at my own joke, I looked down at the wolf when I felt his tail tapping on my wrist and was met with an amused look instead of the sad one before. Taking a hint when he nudged my thigh with his snout, I guided my hands towards his snout. Placing my hand on his snout as he tilted his head up to sniff my palm, I continued, "grandmother, what big nose you have." Standing up on his four paws again, he positioned himself so that he was sitting on his hind legs with his front paws resting on my shoulders. I couldn't stop the burst of laughter that escaped me when he showed me his sharp, white fangs that gleamed under the moonlight. "But grandmother, what big mouth and teeth you have." - Wherein, teenage werewolf Samuel meets his human mate Emily who lives thousands of miles away from him. Will his wolf be able to handle being apart from his very vulnerable, very human mate? Will her over-imaginative mind be able to stay sane apart from her very attractive, very male other half? Will the duo be able to sustain this long-distance relationship? How long can they keep this charade going before Samuel's wolf falls apart? (i'm still working on up-ing my description game but please don't let it hinder you from checking it out. free cookies inside the book so jump in and join Emily and Samuel along their journey.)Concluida
A Stalker's Passion
"CHARLIE!" His screams were getting closer until I saw him completely. I grabbed the knife and pointed it straight at him. "Get away from me!" I say warning him His face was red and he still stalked towards me slowly. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I yell fearing the fact that didn't look scared at all. "Put the knife down." I started to back up a bit still pointing the knife at him. "I'm not telling you again, put it down NOW!" His calm persona was instantly replaced with a furious one. "Please Tho-" He came charging straight at me but I made a run for it. I ran as fast as I could with him behind me until he tackled me to the floor. The knife flew across the hallway and he was on top of me. "Thomas please let me go. I don't want to be here. Please." I say begging "You're ruining everything. It was so perfect and special just for you and you're ruining it." I can tell he was sad but more pissed off this anything. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!" He screamed in my face. "I-" "SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" He roars slapping me across the face. He roughly picks me up and drags me to the room. He yanked me away from him making me fall hit my knee on the hard wood floor. He walked in the bathroom to get something and I realized it something to put me to sleep. He poured the chemical into the towel as he mumbled to himself and I watched in fear. He pulled me from the ground and tried to make me breathe in. I fought the urge to. I thrashed back and forth trying to get free but nothing worked. Slowly, my vision got blurry and felt darkness overtake me.Concluida
Drake's Kitten (completed)
He once told me no one knows the real him.I didn't think he meant it, and not in a good way. He is a straight A student, and everyone knows it, not to mention he is on the swim team. All that though isn't the real him, the real him hides deep within himself. ---------- "Can you please tell me what that was?" I nearly shout at him. All I get is silence. He keeps his back to me. "Please, I need some explanation." I beg. I stay still as he stops dead in his tracks. His body is tense and it's scarring me. He turns around slowly to face me with his hands at his sides. His eyes meet mine, but there is no spark of any emotion in them. They are cold and dark making me look away not being able to hold his deadly stare. I feel uneasy under his gaze, and i feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face. "No, I won't explain because it's not important." He says in a low, almost, growl. I flinch and look back into his eyes. I feel hurt by his words and I don't know why, but I know he sees it in my eyes. His faces flashes with regret but it's quickly covered up with his faces going back to it's hard cold look. I feel my heart stop and my face go pale. His look terrified me making me hold my breath. "Breath." He orders. I start to breathe again and just blink at him. "Now go." He orders me again. I flinch involuntarily at his tone and jump back slightly. "Please don't let me walk home alone." I beg in a quiet voice, looking down at my feet. The next thing I see are his black combat boots right in front of my shoes. I look up into his eyes and he looks down into mine confusion written all over his face. "How come you aren't running yet?" He questions searching my eyes. "I just can't walk home alone, please I'm scared." I hear him chuckle. "You aren't afraid of me? What can possibly be scarier than me?" He asks. "Well, I know you will keep me safe." "Why is that?" He questions raising an eyebrow at me. "You haven't hurt me." "Yet." He mutters, but I roll my eyes.Concluida
Slay My Soul
There once was a girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead, and when she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid. Ok admittedly I don't have a curl, and I don't plan on being horrid. I plan to be their worst fucking nightmare. They took the love of my life from me, and they have broken me more than any of their previous attempts could ever dream to. But the jokes on them. My pain is my gain, and I will use it to destroy them. I will solve the prophecy and end this ridiculous power struggle. I will watch their blood fall to the swing of my sword, and I will do it with a smile on my face. My only concern is what will be left of me once the bodies fall. My inner darkness is a crazy, bloodthirsty bitch that enjoys wreaking havoc. I'm not sure that's quite what the Fate's had in mind as their champion and future queen. Meh, fuck it. Let the chips fall where they may. This is the final book in the Pieces of Me trilogy. This is not a stand-alone. Please note this is a reverse harem/ why choose book. Please read the trigger warnings inside. Explicit content R18 readers.Concluida
Revenge Of The Fat Wallflower|✓
(Editing) His eyes widen and his lips part in pain as he stares wordlessly at me and then at the large blotch that forms around his chest . He clutches it as he coughs in pain. I didn't get to push him into a sewer, but this feels so much better. I sardonically chuckle to myself before leaning in to whisper into his ear. "Gotcha." - - - I was a nobody . A big fat wallflower that was always in the background. The only mistake I made was confessing to the school's prince. That day I was completely and utterly humiliated. It's been two years and now I'm back. Back for some sweet revenge. #Winner of the Pre-Watty awards for best laugh worthy book. *Filled with humor and jokes that can't stop you from chuckling ;) # 1 ranking in Stop bullying (10/5/18) #11 In Humor (1/6/18) ©Nikithasuz123 Cover credits to unreadymage. Amazing cover XDConcluida
The Gory Details (Gross)
Between 2004 and 2008 I wrote a series of "Tips for Writers" for Nocturnal Ooze magazine vaguely about what would happen in real life if you did the things they do in movies but mostly about the gross out. I've always loved them and so have taken them out of mothballs for a new audience here on wattpad. They're all here except for #13 which seems to have vanished. I've also left them mostly intact except for a few very dated references that have been updated. I own the rights to the articles and Queen Mum of the Ooze, Kay Patterson has allowed me to keep the name "Gore Monger" (which she owns) provided I write: The Gore Monger appears courtesy of Nocturnal Ooze. If you enjoy these articles, please consider supporting me on Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/NogginBrain?fan_landing=trueConcluida
Inseparable
My phone rings seeing zahirie's contact I don't answer but pressed declined, he calls two more times I declined each time Turning off my read receipts also. I search up a random video on Pinterest with a couple it looks like me but it's not "Enjoying my man's company," I post it turning my phone WiFi off closing my phone I placed it down Laying down i felt a rush of excitement . Getting up I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed I hum Alkaline: Thug loving before exiting the bathroom i smile dancing around. I jump at the figure on my bed i touch the light switch "JESUS!," I exclaimed seeing an angry zahirie sitting on my bed with my phone in his hand. His eyes are red and low, he smells like a mixture of weed and expensive cologne Holding my chest as my heart pounds I don't move towards him. Getting up he comes over to me He grabs me by my throat not hard but so that I can feel a bit pressure "Who yah fuck wid,?" He asks his deep voice sending chills up my spine and down to my coochie. He reaches down touching my front He tilts his head "Betta," he says pulling away Weh him mean by dat? He grips my throat again giving me a look "Who dat yuh post,?" He asks as I don't answer he asks again this time voice getting deeper and grip tighter "A random video mi find," I say struggling to breathe he loosened his grip "Stop fuck wid mi yer," he says letting go of my neck moving towards the door "Suppose mi did ave man yah weh yuh woulda do,?" I ask he stopped turning towards me "Fuck around and find out," his tone is deadly and serious he sounds scary and the look on his face scares me "Turn on yuh WiFi and nuh decline man call ago call yuh as mi reach inna eh car doh mek eh phone ring out," he instructed leaving my room Not even a minute later he calls I answered on the first ring. His face comes in the camera as he smirks "Good girl," he stated driving off Wah kinda mad man dis mi go tek up pon mi head fada God?Concluida
The Godlynot
Welcome to the dark comedy. Would you commit genocide for fifteen trillion dollars? Yes? Then step right in, take a seat, crack open a red bull and let's start the show. AI corporations have decided to build smarter than human machines in a stunt they publicly admit could end countless lives. All forms of AI regulation has been quietly lobbied to death, and scientists are scrambling to make the technology safe on hyper-unrealistic deadlines. In other news: A man has formed an intimate and devious relationship with a talking sex doll. But is she self aware, or is he falling head over heels for an inanimate object? A mentally ill youngster, who peaked in high school is completely failing to cope in a lonely world where humans have become the second smartest species on the planet. And the first ever AI-powered cult is spreading across the internet, (finally a god, that answers your prayers!)
"Grandmother, what big ears you have." Chuckling at my own joke, I looked down at the wolf when I felt his tail tapping on my wrist and was met with an amused look instead of the sad one before. Taking a hint when he nudged my thigh with his snout, I guided my hands towards his snout. Placing my hand on his snout as he tilted his head up to sniff my palm, I continued, "grandmother, what big nose you have." Standing up on his four paws again, he positioned himself so that he was sitting on his hind legs with his front paws resting on my shoulders. I couldn't stop the burst of laughter that escaped me when he showed me his sharp, white fangs that gleamed under the moonlight. "But grandmother, what big mouth and teeth you have." - Wherein, teenage werewolf Samuel meets his human mate Emily who lives thousands of miles away from him. Will his wolf be able to handle being apart from his very vulnerable, very human mate? Will her over-imaginative mind be able to stay sane apart from her very attractive, very male other half? Will the duo be able to sustain this long-distance relationship? How long can they keep this charade going before Samuel's wolf falls apart? (i'm still working on up-ing my description game but please don't let it hinder you from checking it out. free cookies inside the book so jump in and join Emily and Samuel along their journey.)
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