STRIKE Script And Comic Outline // PLEASE READ DESCRIPTION!!

So, I'm trying to develope a comic book and the easiest way for me to do that is to first lay out everything in a script type format so I know what words I want individually bubbled and so I xan pin point where I need to draw I specific actions.Before I put Issue #0 and issue #1 in actual illustrated comic format I wanted to first have the outlines proofread to get some feedback if anything needs to be fixed. I am free for constructive criticism and I encourage you to comment. Thank you all so much!!