One Direction vs. The Assassin

The contemporary poster children for every chiseled European boy band that ever existed, One Direction's fame has risen to heights previously thought unattainable. But does their fame come at a price? (AN: yes)

One day while venturing into the plebeian realm to grab some coffee for himself, Niall Horan is attacked by a faceless assassin who then flees after Niall's poor coordination saves his life. Initially the other members of the band laugh his story off, except for Liam, who takes it to heart and launches an investigation. Who wanted them dead...and why?
Shouldn't we call the police? Louis asks as Liam busily explains his plan.
But right before the irritated Liam could open his mouth to brush him off, an entire cast of colorful characters barges into their lives, sending them on a turbulent journey none of them will ever forget.
Guest starring: Lula the Goat as Bubbles; Simon Cowell's Phabulous Photogenic Phun Phruit Snacks; and even a cameo of the narrator as Surprisingly Clairvoyant Hobo.