My Crappy Life !
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- Votes 2
- Parts 2
I have a best friend who is dating my other best friend. I feel like If I can't speak up and tell them exactly how i'm feeling, then i can't be friends with them anymore. I might say something that will hurt someones feelings but I can't keep it to myself anymore.
I was even considering suicide at a moment in my life. Only 1 best friend text me and exactly said, "Change your name. Ain't no one going to shoot you. I don't ever wanna see your kik name like that, ok?" At that moment, I realized that I mattered to at least 1 person, (other than my family).
IDC, If it was only person. But I knew that if i even tried to comment suicide that that one person would really be affected. And i could not bare, looking down and see that person going crazy. I might seem like i'm in a good place but i'm not. I have really dark and deep thoughts that I feel like i can't tell anyone because they will judge me.
So, I keep it to myself. Now i'm realizing that I can't KEEP everything bottled up inside anymore. I will just lose it. I might say somethings to people that I don't mean. I might act like someone i'm not just so that people won't ask me whats wrong. But most times when they do, I lie. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I'm done with people controlling my life. I'm done with being afraid to say what i'm feeling. I know, it might take awhile to get back to how I was. But this is a step. Before, I couldn't even bare the fact that i'm feeling this way. Let alone, talk to someone or people about it.
I don't want you guys to think that i'm seriously going to hurt my self. I don't want to die just because of my crappy life and the shitty people that are in it. But, I know the two people that I can sometimes go to. All of the time, I know I can go to Corey because I know he truly cares and he really likes having my in his life. (so he says). The other Tamia. Most of the time I can go to her. Don't judge me.
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This is a bio about me and what I went through as a child. You see I was abused not just by both parents but my whole family. I know you guys probably heard about all of this before but I want to write this. It will help me forget about my past and let me move on. I was suicidal and I wanted to give up but I didn't. So this is a story of what happened before Ways To Stop Bullying and after it. Journey with me when you see the hell I went through and how I made it out to be the person I am today. To be honest this is something that scares me more than anything in the world by writing this. But I want to and need to. To be warned it will get ugly and it might not look that bad to most people who probably had it worse than me. But this isn't why I'm writing this to get sympathy I'm writing this so I can finally move on and say. I done this I lived through it. I doubt anyone would read this and if they do I doubt many will but I don't care I'm writing this for me and if it helps others? I'm glad so I don't know what else to say so this is all.
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