Bloody Bookkeeping (A Nonsensical Gothic Story) - Katya Kolmakov - Wattpad

Bloody Bookkeeping (A Nonsensical Gothic Story)

Reads 1,654
Votes 202
Parts 13
Time 1h 48m

Reads 1,654
Votes 202
Parts 13
Time 1h 48m

crack fantasy gothic humor parody romance romcom undead vampire

{ON HIATUS} Leigh Garlick, despite her silly surname, is quite a serious person. She's a chartered accountant - and an excellent one, if she may say so herself. She enjoys her quiet work from home and her established routine, which gets uprooted when she's sent to Scotland to work on the accounts of her firm's oldest and most valued client, currently belonging to John Thomas Gervase Oakby, the latest in the line of the Oakbies who'd left their native county of Fleckney in the West Midlands after WWI, and settled in Castle Leabadharach. 

The man is tall, dark, and handsome - but also, he spends his days somewhere in the depth of his castle, only comes out at night, and is suspiciously fond of black pudding. Leigh is torn between checking if his bed is coffin-shaped... and just checking his bed. Good thing she's anemic - and doesn't believe in all this Gothic hogwash!

This story is a nonsensical companion piece to my cosy mystery and romance series. No prior knowledge of my work is required to enjoy this codswallop, but some jokes might be about 17.8% funnier if you're familiar with the Oakbies from my Fox & Oakby series. The appreciation for the Holyoakes could enrich your reading experience as well. On the other hand, if this sort of poppycock isn't your cup of tea, nothing will help.  Read at your own risk.

Cover art by Paula Carvajal (@pautipeep on Instagram) commissioned by yours trulyAll Rights Reserved

crack fantasy gothic humor parody romance romcom undead vampire

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sightless

There is something everyone is blind to At 5:00 a.m., the sun rises early. An old maid, dressed neatly with an eyeglass strap around her neck and an expressionless face, enters a house. Despite being recently built and located near the roadside, the house appears shabby due to the untended walls and garden, which are covered with large bushes and vines. As the maid steps into the villa, she is greeted by darkness and gloom. She opens the windows, allowing the hot air to escape and letting in a sliver of light from outside. This light reveals a stunning interior filled with a variety of intriguing items. Anyone who sees the neatly arranged books and items inside would never believe that the outside and the inside are part of the same building. She prepares a delightful breakfast and carries the freshly made French toast and a glass of orange juice to the first floor. Anyone who sees it would think she is serving a god. Another dark room greeted her. Inside, a young, attractive girl in her 20s with long, straight black hair was reading a book in bed. As the maid entered, the girl turned towards her. Despite being blind, she held a book in her hand, a sight that might evoke laughter or sympathy from others. The maid, however, remained emotionless. As the maid placed the dish on the table and was about to leave, she said, "Ma'am, it's breakfast time." There were no words, just a small nod. The girl called out 'Emma'.The maid turned to face the girl, this time she was smiling