Bloody Bookkeeping (A Nonsensical Gothic Story) - Katya Kolmakov - Wattpad

Bloody Bookkeeping (A Nonsensical Gothic Story)

Reads 1,649
Votes 202
Parts 13
Time 1h 48m

Reads 1,649
Votes 202
Parts 13
Time 1h 48m

crack fantasy gothic humor parody romance romcom undead vampire

{ON HIATUS} Leigh Garlick, despite her silly surname, is quite a serious person. She's a chartered accountant - and an excellent one, if she may say so herself. She enjoys her quiet work from home and her established routine, which gets uprooted when she's sent to Scotland to work on the accounts of her firm's oldest and most valued client, currently belonging to John Thomas Gervase Oakby, the latest in the line of the Oakbies who'd left their native county of Fleckney in the West Midlands after WWI, and settled in Castle Leabadharach. 

The man is tall, dark, and handsome - but also, he spends his days somewhere in the depth of his castle, only comes out at night, and is suspiciously fond of black pudding. Leigh is torn between checking if his bed is coffin-shaped... and just checking his bed. Good thing she's anemic - and doesn't believe in all this Gothic hogwash!

This story is a nonsensical companion piece to my cosy mystery and romance series. No prior knowledge of my work is required to enjoy this codswallop, but some jokes might be about 17.8% funnier if you're familiar with the Oakbies from my Fox & Oakby series. The appreciation for the Holyoakes could enrich your reading experience as well. On the other hand, if this sort of poppycock isn't your cup of tea, nothing will help.  Read at your own risk.

Cover art by Paula Carvajal (@pautipeep on Instagram) commissioned by yours trulyAll Rights Reserved

crack fantasy gothic humor parody romance romcom undead vampire

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I can still make the whole place shimmer (with the skin of a killer Bella)

Angelica Cullen was supposed to have died over 300 years ago, but now she gets to watch as her adoptive brother stalks some girl from Arizona. Born in the 1600s to one Carlisle Cullen and his first wife- a woman whose name has since faded into obscurity, Angelica was never supposed to amount to much more than marriage and children. Now a perpetual sixteen-year-old who wants nothing more than to be able to paint her nails in peace to the Mama Mia soundtrack, she finds herself with little to occupy her time. Her relationship with her family is growing more strained by the day. The cycle of high school has long since become dull and draining, and despite her desperation for something else, she's forced to stay stagnant for 'the good of the family'. A family who's wearing her patience thin. Then Bella Swan moves to Forks and Angelica's pressure is suddenly raised as the Cullen family is thrown into a potentially life-ending challenge every five business days. The Quillute are watching closely, as are the Volturi for any slip-ups, and in the world of the supernatural, Angelica has the grace of a baby deer. (Cross posted on AO3). https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissinginyourcardigan