Smack-dab, in the Middle of Nowhere (Waste Stories #1)
  • Reads 137
  • Votes 74
  • Parts 52
  • Time 9h 39m
  • Reads 137
  • Votes 74
  • Parts 52
  • Time 9h 39m
Complete, First published Jul 04, 2022
Mature
Free on Wattpad for the first time! In 2017, Duncan P. Pacey's debut post-apocalyptic comedy novel brought a gritty-yet-silly wasteland New Zealand to Amazon Kindle, and now you can enjoy it here.

~~Amazon/Goodreads reviews:~~

"Pratchetty humour with a hack n slash edge."
"I absolutely loved Pacey's humor and his descriptions of this tongue-in-cheek twisted world!"
"The odd characters are strangely engaging and what seems like a cracked narrative, cleverly comes together to tell a fascinating tale."

* * *

"Bert'd be damned if this bar did anything other than thrive. Smack-dab would prosper, or she'd shoot folk until it did."

Bert is the takes-no-crap bar owner of Smack-dab, a struggling tavern halfway from nowhere to nowhere else. All around her is the barren, post-apocalyptic Waste, a terrifying place plagued by villainous bandits, ravenous monsters, and Things that go bump in the night (and also eat you).

The Waste is in turmoil. Lord Ash has been overthrown, replaced by a terrifyingly powerful giant hell-bent on taxing anyone and everyone that can help fund his devious master plan. Smack-dab is threatened with total destruction, but Bert has a plan of her own. Can she rally enough help to fend off the bandits?

Strange and hilarious, "Smack-dab, in the Middle of Nowhere" is the fresh new face of the post-apocalypse, even if that face has more creepy mutant eyes than you expected.
All Rights Reserved
Table of contents
Sign up to add Smack-dab, in the Middle of Nowhere (Waste Stories #1) to your library and receive updates
or
Content Guidelines
You may also like
What Ever Happened to Muffins? by EryxAias
10 parts Complete Mature
In celebration for Halloween: A story with a tiny bit of strangeness, some silly humor, clichés, a cat, monstrous rats, annoying neighbors and their annoying dogs, an inescapable apartment building full of zombies, starter weapons, oldies music, ridiculous drawings, injuries and deaths. Or is it un-deaths? Movie trailer person's voice: "Rated PG-13 for stabbing zombies, hitting zombies over the head [overall aggression against zombies of all kinds], one instance of auto theft, and the occasional cursing [8-9 of them, censored by ridiculous little grawlixes]." ***As of the 28 of November, Wattpad has deemed my story "Mature". They've also formed a rally demanding that "Yoga Hosers" be changed to XXX, due to the sausage Nazi that entered that bloke's bum.*** No sex, no drugs, no self-harm, no references to nudity, crude language censored, moderate violence and comedic violence is the only thing the story contains. By the Canadian rating-it's a rating of 14+. Making that clear, since the story is now amongst the site's smut pile, and it's nothing like those. ***Disclaimer: No children, people-and most importantly, animals-were harmed in the making of this story. The drawings [22] within the chapters are made by me, solely for the purpose of this story. I'm not a fine artist, I merely draw on rare occasions. Please do not steal, replicate, reproduce my drawings without consent or without linking to this story.***
Craig of the Dead by Its_Me_Tweek_Tweak
47 parts Complete Mature
Hey, you! Yeah, you. Listen up, dude, because I don't have much time. Actually, I have a ton of time, I just don't feel like repeating myself. South Park is infested with zombies. Yeah, you heard me right. Shuffling around, undead, want to eat you zombies. I'm stuck as some kind of leader of a tiny crew of kids. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but everyone else seems to think I do, so I guess we're going with that. In a few days the whole town went from being kinda nuts to completely chaotic. Why do people think I'm a good leader? Why'd all the adults leave? Where's literally half of my grade, they can't all be dead, can they? Why are we not allowed to leave South Park? Do they want us die? How long can we keep on living like this? Most importantly, why couldn't I have just gone with Tweek to the stupid bathroom? Now he's M.I.A. and it's my fault. Anyway, I hope maybe you can find some pleasure in reading this. I mean, I would probably get bored, but whatever floats your boat, dude. Gotta run. Clyde's throwing another fit because someone ate his Hot Pocket (Spoiler Alert, it was me). See ya later, stranger. -Craig **NOTE: the story is not written as journal entries by Craig, I just thought it would be a fun little bit to put as the hook. Apologies if it is misleading.** **ALSO NOTE: the mature content warning is for language, and language only. Well, and I suppose gore and violence, but that depends on what you define as gore and violence**
Dystopia Rising by GravityWillFall01
6 parts Complete
The world ended long ago, riddled with plague and zombies and destruction. But humanity survived, and humanity evolved. The Infection that helped bring the world to its knees also changed humans in ways to help them keep living in this now broken world ready to be rebuilt. Seven lineages with three strains each, and each have their own unique set of traits that help us survive. But that's not what this story is about-at least, not really. This story isn't about how a hero will rise and bring the world back to what it was Pre-Fall. This story is about me, an ordinary Remanat living life through the world day to day as a mercenary. A beginner mercenary as everyone likes to remind me. The others in my group have been calling me 'Rookie' since I joined them three months ago. I'm beginning to wonder if they actually know my name. We have been hired to help the New Reach Caravan travel across the wastelands to Philly Del Phia, and this is the perfect opportunity to show them that I'm not just a dumb Rookie. I'm actually quite good at my job. I just happen to get distracted by one certain Eight-Ball, but it's not my fault he's good-looking, and charming, and funny... Anyway, all I have to do is help my group get the caravan to Del Phia. Should be an easy enough job. Just avoid the zoms and keep clear of the Raiders, and we should be fine... Right? Disclaimer: I do not own Zombies, Run! or its characters, nor do I own Dystopia Rising LARP. This is just my Rookie's reaction to the Dystopia Rising New Adventure in the Zombies, Run! App.
Employed Epoch Of Alex Brook | Book 1| Humor-Romance (Completed) by vineethereader
38 parts Complete
"So, let me get this straight. You stomped all over his paperwork?" She started. "Not intentionally, but yes," I confirmed it. "Threw a drink in his face?" She added. "Expensive red wine." I described. "Rammed into his car with yours deliberately?" she counted on her third finger. "Um...I'm not proud of that one," I said cringing. "And called him offensive names?" She ended the list and I winced. "Twice." I specified. "And you're still alive?" She blinked, looking genuinely surprised. "Geez, don't be dramatic or anything..." I frowned at her hyperbolic statement. "Maybe he's keeping you around to get revenge." She suggested. Possible. I wouldn't put it past him. "I didn't know alright!" I exclaimed. "Let's hope that excuse is acceptable.." She was merely amused. "Working with my new boss is going to be a piece of work." ** Synopsis: When the CEO of Signature Heights: Jensen Black, and a stubborn employee: Alexandra Brook, clash, it's a battle of wits & a war of perseverance. They are both dead set on making each other's lives hell, but when the story progresses they just might learn that first impressions could be deceiving. As circumstances reveal their true selves and opinions change, things could get complicated especially when suddenly feelings get involved. Who would be the first to concede? Maybe it's not that simple to forgive your archnemesis and maybe it'll result in some hilarious consequences... ** Book 1 of a two-part series (completed).High Rankings: # Funny, # Humor, # Comedy, # Romance, #Billionaire Amazing book, I adore your writing style, and I really enjoyed these characters and story -Reader Fantastic story, believably flawed characters and deft humour makes for a very engaging read, I could barely put it down to feed my children -Reader **
Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} by kkolmakov
24 parts Complete
Viola the Underdarkling is travelling back to the duchy of Fleck at a request of the head of a large clan of Orcs and Half-Orcs, who also happens to be the grandmother of Viola's former betrothed. On the way Viola runs into Will, Rhys' cousin, and Will's partner, Fiona. Together they travel to Fleck, joined by Rhys mid-way. Will the old feelings resurface while Viola and Rhys fight giant slugs with hallucinogenic slime and save an impaired winged prince - or will the old wounds of the War prevent them from giving their love another chance? In a far, far away land of Nottoofar... ~ a former berserker knight meets a spacy druid... {Book 1: Leaf & Paw} ~COMPLETE! ~ a necromancer rogue is determined to resist her feelings for her former paramour, despite his delicious Half-Orc physique... {Book 2: Dagger & Fist} ~COMPLETE! ~ a teacher of defence magic can't believe what has become of her former Buggbear pupil - and how hard it seems to convince herself to refuse his advances... {Book 3: Ring & Shield} ~COMING SOON! ~ a duke is stuck in a cave with a dragonkeeper who is harbouring a secret... {Series Prequel: Venom & Sword} ~COMING SOON! ~ a merperson needs the assistance of a kicka*** sea captain who isn't going to fall for the tailed man under any circumstances... {Book 4: Cutlass & Song} ~Final story in the series! COMING SOON! ...and the rest of my recurring characters show up in this fantasy tale - but this time they wield magic, throw daggers, have tails and horns; and Rhys has got green skin. You really don't have to read my other stories to understand what's going on here. But if you're familiar with their modern version, I hope these frolicsome AUs elicit a chuckle and an 'awww,' or two.
Have Faith: Life and Times of a Glorious Asshole by iamtotallydeadpool
27 parts Complete
Screw the cliche stories about heroes and villains. Here's a story narrated by someone else. A smartass. The Anti-Hero. Rude, selfish, and arrogant, Ace Johanna Araya isn't your typical hero. Optimistic, wisecracking, and friendly, she isn't your typical villain, either. After loosing herself in a life of crime; Ace makes the mistake of breaking into the wrong house and ends up under the same roof as a bunch of virtuous Do-Gooders who hunt the supernatural. Of course, she thinks she's just using them for a free place to stay. Little does she know, they're about to get her involved in a lot more than she bargained for. Of course, every story needs its villains, so, two seductively sassy vampires and a sadistic, ageless entity of evil who promises to end life as we know it (no surprise there) come into the mix. Ace will find herself struggling to determine where exactly the line between Good and Evil lies, all the while spewing random innuendos, cracking terrible jokes, and making pop culture references. This is going to be a mess. Inspired by things such as: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Supernatural, John Dies at the End, Constantine, Odd Thomas, Mean Girls, From Dusk Till Dawn, and Deadpool WARNING: The Narrator in this book (Ace) is an egotistical, insensitive, and selfish person. Even the more serious parts will have some comedic input from her and she can tend to be a bit abrasive or offensive. This is, after all, an anti-hero's point of view. This book contains characters of different ethnic backgrounds, races, and sexual orientations. A few will have mental and/or social disorders. So, keep an open mind.
You may also like
Slide 1 of 10
What Ever Happened to Muffins? cover
Awks. ✓ cover
Stoke is Full of Mutants cover
Roses and Thorns cover
The Darkwood Wand cover
Craig of the Dead cover
Dystopia Rising cover
Employed Epoch Of Alex Brook | Book 1| Humor-Romance (Completed) cover
Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} cover
Have Faith: Life and Times of a Glorious Asshole cover

What Ever Happened to Muffins?

10 parts Complete Mature

In celebration for Halloween: A story with a tiny bit of strangeness, some silly humor, clichés, a cat, monstrous rats, annoying neighbors and their annoying dogs, an inescapable apartment building full of zombies, starter weapons, oldies music, ridiculous drawings, injuries and deaths. Or is it un-deaths? Movie trailer person's voice: "Rated PG-13 for stabbing zombies, hitting zombies over the head [overall aggression against zombies of all kinds], one instance of auto theft, and the occasional cursing [8-9 of them, censored by ridiculous little grawlixes]." ***As of the 28 of November, Wattpad has deemed my story "Mature". They've also formed a rally demanding that "Yoga Hosers" be changed to XXX, due to the sausage Nazi that entered that bloke's bum.*** No sex, no drugs, no self-harm, no references to nudity, crude language censored, moderate violence and comedic violence is the only thing the story contains. By the Canadian rating-it's a rating of 14+. Making that clear, since the story is now amongst the site's smut pile, and it's nothing like those. ***Disclaimer: No children, people-and most importantly, animals-were harmed in the making of this story. The drawings [22] within the chapters are made by me, solely for the purpose of this story. I'm not a fine artist, I merely draw on rare occasions. Please do not steal, replicate, reproduce my drawings without consent or without linking to this story.***