having nothing

I ran away that night to get away from everything to feel NO pain to feel nothing. I lived in a foster home with 12 brothers and sisters I felt like they all hated me except lily. I am teased and mistreated. I have NO friends because I didn't want friends. I didn't want friends because I can't handle death and suffer. I felt like nobody wanted me so I left . Can I survive living alone with lily? What kind of danger will I face? My name is june and I'm 15 years old.