Coming Clean
  • Reads 226
  • Votes 18
  • Parts 4
  • Time 14m
  • Reads 226
  • Votes 18
  • Parts 4
  • Time 14m
Ongoing, First published Jul 06, 2022
Mature
17 and strung out on confusion
Trapped inside a role of disillusion...

Being a teen was difficult enough, hanging with crusty punks in warehouses. Between girlfriends, music, drugs, getting the fuck out of school.

Billie's trying to figure out thoughts driving him mad. Feelings he doesn't get or mean. Why is feeling this way?
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"You've been weird with me for days now!" I shouted, "Why? Billie what happened between us? You won't even look at me any more, do i mean nothing to you or something?" "-No! It's not like that-" "-I've known you my whole life and now you act like you don't know me. Do you care about me?" "Of course I do-" "-then why are you staring at your converse right now?" He looked up at me finally, his eyes meeting mine. "Because looking at you makes me nervous recently," he sighed lightly. "Why?" "I don't know. It's not that you don't mean anything to me because- by God phee you do. You're my BestFriend and I've always been myself around you but now I get all nervous and my stomatch starts feeling weird and-" he cut himself off as he stopped talking mid way through sentence. "And?" "I don't know. One moment I can't take my eyes off you then the next I'm scared to let them lay onto you," "Why? Billie it hurts when you don't look at me, why do you dodge my eyes when they try to meet yours?" He breathed in lightly. He looked back down but made sure to quickly look back at me. "It isn't that I won't look at you cause you don't mean any thing to me, I don't look at you sometimes because the impact your gaze gives me now, scares me. You make me feel all tingly and gooey. And it scares me." "Why does that scare you?" "Cause I've never felt this way before, i don't even know what it means," his eyes looked back down at the floor. And instead of getting angry about it i let them. Because I understood why they were scared to look at me. I make him feel new feelings he's never even knew exsisted, and he doesn't like it. he doesn't even know what those feelings are. And call me crazy, but maybe he loved me too, not in the friendly way. Maybe he loved me but he didn't realise. He looked back up to me, he gave me a half hearted smile before he spoke up again. "Seeing you use to be so easy, but now you breathe and i turn to stone."
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Rowan, a girl of a coy and passive nature, did not expect to be flung into someone else's life so abruptly- and graphically at that. It could have been anyone, but for a reason unknown to her, the universe chose her. The life she stepped into belonged to another girl, that to Rowan's dismay, was unaware of how prized of a possession she truly was. She did not value every breath she took or even the supple skin on her body. But her helpless soul was not to blame. Billie struggled with a list of issues doctors of all kinds were unable to diagnose. Everyday was a fight against her conscience and she feared, a day would come in which she would lose. In a way, the pair were star-crossed. Rowan knew the severity of Billie's situation and her undeniable inability to be helped, but still, she could never forgive herself if she had turned a blind eye and walked away after that single, dark and rainy night. She often questioned whether or not her actions were fueled by an honorable sense of selflessness or its much more complicated counterpart- selfishness.