Drowning ------ Depressed Tamaki Amajiki

I laid in bed, staring at the blank ceiling above me as silence consumed me. Anxiety gnawed at the pit of my stomach, causing me to grind my teeth as I pulled the blanket over my head. I wasn't cold. I just wanted to hide.

I wanted everything to go away.

I closed my eyes as I grew tired of staring at nothing, and submerged myself in total darkness instead. I wanted to get up. Of course I wanted to get up. Who would want to just lay here for hours? How boring. A ridiculous waste of time right?

So why am I still laying here?

Why can't I move?

My stomach hurts and I'm anxious. My brain keeps replaying neverending scenarios of fuckups and regrets I have, and I can't escape it. There's nowhere to run from it. I can't escape my thoughts. No matter how long I lay here to numb my mind. No matter how many times I hit myself in the head. No matter how long I avoid the people around me.

In the end I'm still a coward. I'm still scared. I'm scared of laying here for hours, until the hunger or the blaring of my alarm clock forces me out of my room. I'm scared of getting up and interacting with those who see me for what I am--pathetic. I'm scared of barely scraping by every day, only to retreat back to this spot on my bed. Scared to repeat this cycle over again.

For the rest of my life, I'll be scared.

I'll be stuck in this cycle for the rest of my life.

The rest of my life will all be the same.

Drowning.

Too scared to swim.

Too scared to let myself float up.

Too scared to force myself further down.

Too scared to reach for help on the surface

So I just lay here

And drown

For the rest of my life

I'm drowning