Wanting and Having

[...] She was backing away from me, one hand grasping for the door handle while the other held me at arms length.

"Stolen moments do not make a life together... When we were playing games how could I complain?! No one was going to get hurt if none of us took it seriously, RIGHT?!?!" Her voice broke, and the pain in her eyes spilled over into tears. Here I stood, helpless - the cause of her anguish.

"But what we are doing is dealing in secrets and lies and calling it love. Stolen moments, and tension across crowded spaces... it's maddening!"

I dared a step closer, keeping my hands behind my back in an attempt to restrain myself from crossing the chasm between us and pulling her into me.

"You are frozen in time, ~we~ are frozen in time. Nothing changes. No one gets out of this. None of us can move forward until time starts again, and I can't be here when it does or all of us will regret it."

Backed against the door her hand dropped from between us, the knob turning in the other. I closed the distance between us, grasping at proximity in hope that being this close would ease her pain enough to stop what was unfolding. It was selfish and I knew it.

Her smell was surrounding me, and part of me resigned in that moment to commit it to memory. The familiar amber, and oud, and spice with a hint of citrus. It was warm and heady but the familiar blood orange that made my mouth water.

"Stay..." My voice slipped out in a pleading whisper. My fingers twinned with hers delicately. I fought against my panic and sense of urgency with everything inside of me as she stiffened. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach.

Against all my instincts - instead of pushing closer - I took a step back. I wouldn't hold her here. Just the tips of our fingers remained connected as I gave her the space she needed to open the door and slip out.

"There was never anything to stay for, none of this was real... We were all just playing at fairytales and make-believe..."

She was gone.