Lil' Hazza and That Philosopher's Stoned - Dumbledilf - Wattpad

Story cover for Lil' Hazza and That Philosopher's Stoned by Dumbledilf

Lil' Hazza and That Philosopher's Stoned

Reads 138
Votes 1
Parts 2
Time 8m

Reads 138
Votes 1
Parts 2
Time 8m

An utterly rational rendition of Harry Potter. 
Only in gen z slang.
And they're all on drugs. 
And some of them are probs roadmen. 
Oops. 
#YOLO

(Disclaimer: I don't own these bitches, J.K. Rowling does)All Rights Reserved

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𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝐽𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑃𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟, 𝐹𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑛 𝑠𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟? 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑠, 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 10𝑥 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟? - "𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒, 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑒𝑟!" "𝑁𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠, 𝐼 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒." 𝑆𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑢𝑠 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑟𝑘𝑒𝑑. "𝐹𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑓𝑓." "𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑎𝑡𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑡?" - "𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑢𝑠, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑎 𝑎𝑤𝑘𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑." "𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑑?" 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑢𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑑. "𝑁𝑜, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑚𝑦 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑠 𝑢𝑝?" - ☯︎︎"Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ᴀ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ, ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs, ᴛᴏ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ. Tʜᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴅᴏ ғᴀʟʟ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘᴇʟʟ, ᴄᴀɴ ᴛᴇʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ. Oʀ ᴄᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀʏ? Hᴇʟʟ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ʜᴀʟғ ᴡᴀʏ."☀︎︎ -- 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝙴𝚛𝚊 - 𝙶𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚘

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"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?" "𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲," 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲, "𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭?" 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐦. 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡, 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐞. 𝐒𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧. 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲:) 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭!

CONTROL by khatra_baad

𝐃.𝐌 & 𝐅.𝐖 🔞✔️ "𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲?" 𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲. "𝐂𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬? 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐍𝐨𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐚. 𝐍𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐲. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭-" 𝐇𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭-𝐬𝐨-𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐦. 𝐇𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫. 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐠𝐨. 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐭. 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 $𝟐𝟓 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 +𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞; 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲.

𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 | 𝘃𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗼𝗰𝘀 by -fictophilic

[ 𝗩𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗨𝗦! 𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗬 𝗣𝗢𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗫 𝗙𝗘𝗠! 𝗢𝗖𝗦 ] ❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄, 𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇, 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐎𝐍-𝐒𝐀𝐘𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒; 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ❞ ━ 𝙄𝙉 𝙒𝙃𝙄𝘾𝙃 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 ˗ˏˋ ✎ 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 ┊ © -𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘤 ꒱ 𝗣𝗥𝗘-𝗦𝗢𝗥𝗖𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗥'𝗦 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗡𝗘 ━ 𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗙 𝗔𝗭𝗞𝗔𝗕𝗔𝗡 [under editing!]

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