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The Autobiography Of An Alien

Reads 19,827
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Parts 49
Time 32h 22m

Reads 19,827
Votes 1,336
Parts 49
Time 32h 22m

angst cuddling found-family friendship humanpet pirates politics ptsd science-fiction sciencefiction scifi sequel series space spacecraft spacepolitics spacetravel

!! Sequel to In Search of Home. If you haven't read that, you'll be a little confused! !!

After the humans invaded - somewhat; it was his fault, really - his planet, they left a gaping hole in his heart. It took the form of one Kohgrash. Rulshkka had an entire planet to lead, he needed to move on. If only for his people's sake. 

Well, it helped that Kohgrash came back. Helped immensely, really. 

***

Viktor and Vok'Rul live life. As ambassador, Viktor struggles - and thrives - in equal measure. New planets, new friends, new allies. And, of course, new enemies. 

There is an entire intergalactic alliance that both Kohgrash and Rulshkka must navigate. Of course, by introducing the humans to the Alliance, a certain species takes notice. Their attention is less than welcome. 

But that's just life. Rulshkka and Kohgrash navigate it, together. For better or for worse.All Rights Reserved

angst cuddling found-family friendship humanpet pirates politics ptsd science-fiction sciencefiction scifi sequel series space spacecraft spacepolitics spacetravel

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The Damned Children by Balladoad

Humanity has unlocked the elixir of eternal life. The brain can be cleaned and washed back into youthfulness. The body cannot. But by transporting the brain to a younger body, one that can host it, it can continue living. The synthetically produced humans are not people. Of course they're not. If they were people then the originally occurring humans would be monsters for killing them and transferring originally occurring brains into their bodies. The originally occurring people are not monsters. Of course not. They just want to live. And to save something you need to kill something. The synths are a necessary sacrifice. ----- Ika has heard what the originals think about the synths. But she also knows her own heart, and her own grief, and her own terror.

Frost Bitten (BxB) by ArchangelLeviathan

Asurah used to believe love would one day be his downfall. After all, his parents fell into that very thing when his mother was captured by the enemy. And because of that, both his parents died, leaving him to rule an entire planet at the age of 17. Now, over three centuries later, he finds his heart thawed by none other than an obnoxious human man, whose bad jokes and awful puns nearly bring tears to Asurah's eyes. But he managed to thaw the ice king's heart, and now they're making their love official, by finally marrying one another. Their marriage is made public, and an old rejection of Asurah's is angered, and wages war on the planet Glacion. What happens when Joseph and Asurah are forced apart, not knowing if they will ever see each other again? What if this new enemy disposes of everyone Asurah has come to care for? Is he going to end up just like his parents? Or will love free him from his shackles?

OWNED (Furry Yandere Girl x Human child reader ) REBOOT by OndejKrutsk

during the conquest of space, humanity thought for many years that they were alone in space....unfortunately, they were very wrong, after the first signal sent into deep space, unknown ships appeared in the area of the earth after a few months, from the beginning there was panic due to the fear of invasion, fortunately, the species that arrived on the ship were more than peaceful, they gave away technology that humanity could only dream of for thousands of years, they issued medicine that literally saved lives from the brink of death, they solved problems that humanity had puzzled over for a long time, it seems that they will ask for something in return, and yes, they wanted some volunteers to join them, at first a number of volunteers applied who also would not want to fly through in a spaceship, but they wanted more, almost every next arrival they asked for more volunteers, after a while other ships even appeared, which also requested human volunteers until finally their demand exceeded the supply, the human began to fear where their loved ones were disappearing, but it was already too late, when the space travelers did not receive the dose they wanted, so they began to take it by force, the human they tried to defend the technology they got but it was too late before they realized that the technology they got was ineffective against the space travelers, after all they invented it, and what's worse the space travelers were angry and wanted their payment

Your Protector ✓ by softsloth

"He's not a monster! Elik is my mate. The holder of my heart. He's a protector. He's my protector." ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ ◍ ◎ Penelope thought her life was over when she was taken. The abuse lasted months, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. That is until Elik came along, and ripped the door off of her cage. Literally. She knows he's different from her kind. He's not human. In fact, he's a 7ft tall muscular alien, and his kind have deemed him unworthy of taking care of a mate. Penelope knows different. She feels safe around him, despite his rugged appearance, and his deadly family history. Elik doesn't know what to think about the tiny female that is determined to stay glued to his hip. All he knows is that he will protect her no matter what, and he's determined to keep her. Even if it means snapping a few necks. [ book 2 of the Rytarian mates series. can be read as a stand alone novel ] *Rankings* #1 in safe - 3/14/20 #8 in Alien - 5/10/20 #4 in Rescue - 5/6/20 #5 in Abandoned - 5/6/20 #10 in Aliens - 3/18/20 #9 in Warrior - 5/10/20

No Turning Back (A Socksfor1 AU) by TheAddieDragon

A/N: This is a fairly old book, so I'm rewriting it! Please read it, I've worked very hard to patch up the plotholes and make it a better story :D https://www.wattpad.com/story/367228350-no-turning-back-rewritten A mission to find intelligent life on extraterrestrial planets. Both a success... and a failure. Socks crash-lands on the planet known as Earth, inhabited (for the most part) by the species Homo Sapiens - Humans. His ship was totaled and his home was hundreds upon hundreds of light years away, not to mention also through a black hole. So of course, leaving isn't much of an option. On this new planet, Socks meets some new friends, a group of humans he grows fond of. It's peaceful, and, although homesickness is present, he is at peace. But nothing lasts forever. For a little piece of home resides in the shadows. A dark one that, although Socks has never formally encountered, knows all about and had been influenced by greatly. If it weren't for him, he may not even have been on Earth. And that little piece of home... Wishes him and the entire human population to hell. ---------------- NOTE: THESE CHAPTERS ARE CURRENTLY UNDER RECONSTRUCTION. I didn't feel like entirely rewriting the book, so I'm rewriting individual chapters currently. This note will be deleted once I've rewritten everything. This story contains themes relating to blood/gore, demons, trauma, death, and (slight) insanity. If these themes bother you, I suggest you be careful reading this story. There's also Blazafor1 ships. I am not trying to make it weird, though, so don't worry about it too much unless you are REALLY uncomfortable with ships such as this. Hybrids and the Hybrodeic language belong to NephaliMations :D they are not my idea

LF Friends, Will Travel by Bainshie

Terrans are not the strongest species in the universe. They are not the fastest species. They are most definitely not the smartest. But Terrans are the loneliest, willing to befriend anything that moves and several things that don't. After humanity nearly made themselves extinct with a "Terran brand oopsie"™, trillions of Terrans awaken from stasis and set themselves upon a Galaxy teeming with alien life, each writing their own story among the stars. Stories of compassion, of anger, of revenge, of justice. Stories of the clever and stories of the downright stupid. But mostly the story of Terrans looking for the one thing that all beings desire: Friendship amongst a lonely universe.

A Xenomorph's Mate [1] ✓ by xenoX323

{ Currently being rewritten } #1 in #xenomorph (7/23/2017) #1 in #alien (8/10/17) When Becca joins a expedition to an abandoned planet she had no idea what awaited for her. When one of her partners is attacked by a mysterious creature, it's not about finding survivors, it's about surviving. But when the mysterious creature kidnaps Becca, she starts to realize maybe this creature isn't really bad. But who will she choose when the time comes, her partners and friends or the creature she grew to love? Sequel is A Xenomorph's Child. *Warning* May contain bad grammar and kinda bad plotting. What? This is my first book, might as well tell my readers it may not be good! But I am planning sometime in the future to edit a LOT.

My Milky Way by MikushX

Everything starts with something. You put your step forward and go on an adventure through the cosmos. Somehow along the way you meet these people that going to change you, will leave traces of theirs in your heart forever. Before you met them, the universe, you, and everything else was all different. Then there this explosion erupts in your galaxy. Stars collapse, planets disappear, all life fades away. Then, out of nowhere, a bright light appears, which transforms everything in its path. It begins to give birth to new stars, planets, comets, life, and dreams... It creates your own Milky Way... You start to see the universe in a different way. Now stars are brighter, planets are more lively, cosmos is in big harmony. This feeling you witness through your journeys makes everything valuable for you. Now travelling is more passionate, more unique and more fascinating.] The Milky Way now appears to be very amazing. This isn't the Milky Way we're used to seeing. This is the Milky Way that exists in his heart. Because he met her through the Milky Way... This is the adventure along the Milky Way. The way all travellers go through to find something meaningful, face challenges, see different species and have fun...

First to Rise (Excerpt) by Bioshockgrl

The aliens came here for one thing, and one thing only.... Females. ( This story is only available through inkitt or galatea!!!) (some read events may apply) (check update chapter for more details!) Humans believed they were the only intelligent life to exist... that it was impossible for another species to evolve in a way where they could prevail in something as great as space travel. humans believed they were supposed to be the most technologically advanced species and the alpha predators... They were wrong. The Xandisians evolved in ways humans never could have imagined, they are natural-born killers with phenomenal strength and agility. Their kind never went through the same devolution as humans, they never lost their natural instincts to hunt, kill, or breed. With their limitless potential and monstrous strength, they faced few threats and could survive almost any threat that befall their species, almost. After an incurable sickness washes over the planet of xanadis, the majority of the female, young and elderly, and vulnerable population is all but wiped out, leaving a small portion of the male population to face the threat of extinction. With no choice but to look to the stars for a means to save their kind from complete annihilation, the xandisians set out to find a race compatible with their own. after many years and countless failed expeditions, they finally find a species that matches their base DNA on a planet called Earth. The only issue now is how humans will react. (Book 2 LTF series) (CAN be read as a stand alone, but not recommended for nostalgia reasons~) (ps this is UNEDITED, grammar and spelling mistakes will ensue!) (NOTE: THIS IS ITS OWN STORY NOT A CONTINUATION. SAME CHARACTERS BUT DIFFERENT PLOT.)(Last to fall au/spin-off)

An Alien Love: Sex And Space (Book 1) by Clanmoore

Murry was never really into anything... especially aliens or outer space. Since he is nonverbal and, on the spectrum, no one understands him anyway. So what's the point? After years of living the same way, he had made peace with his life of silence in a group home. But in the blink of an eye, all that changes when he is captured by aliens. Now, lost and wishing to go back to Earth, he clings to his savior. Keltrixtionlenz. Too bad he can't pronounce this creature's name. On his mission to find his missing sibling, Keltrix stumbles across a human. Breaking all the rules, Keltrix brings the alien back to his ship, heals him, and then begins a relationship. He didn't plan any of the things that happen next. By the time Keltrix is faced with Murry's execution, he realizes he loves the strange little being more than his own life. Too bad it's too late. Maybe, just maybe, he can convince his family that love is beyond sex and space.

Hearts of Delmar 2... ( 2 many Nicoles) by GizzyGreggarious

Now deeply in love and happily ever-uh, happily ever for about 2 months...Vinn and Nicole's marriage has truly blossomed. With Kraken dead and the new laws in place, Delmar M44 is a heaven on moon. Well...except most of that. Nicole wakes up tied to a chair staring down the snout of a very not-dead Kraken with a hell of a resurrection story proving that in a world where cloning technology exists, nobody is truly dead if someone wealthy enough wants you back, but despite Osirian and human cloning being an exact science, it seems there are some unforeseen problems with the mixed species clones. A zombie Kraken with an Evil Nicole by his side threatens and blackmails Vinn and other Nicole, as politics rears its ugly head again, finding that the laws are still very much broken on this little moon. An undead monster struggles with the question of "if he has a soul", and can he change who he was, while Stockholm syndrome comes out to play. Nicole has to face her deepest fear, her literal cloned self who's inexplicably banging the monster they spent all of book 1 killing, and the only solution is that someone has to sacrifice their life for the good of the others, and this time they have to fight a god to do it. Ancient evil rises to shows it's true form, a corrupt shadow government breaks down, the gods cannot help you anymore, and Nicole once again faces a unique problem...what the hell to do with the other Nicole. Evil doppelganger, lost soul just trying to fit in, or the only friend who truly understands her? The only way to find out, is to trust and turn her back, hoping not to have it stabbed by herself.

Exit Only ✔︎ by softsloth

"Earth has been different for awhile, but I don't think we've ever had a beautiful, muscular alien dude falling from the sky. It's not really something you see everyday" ✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱ The year is 2033. Men are almost extinct after the war, leaving few woman to scavenge what's left of planet earth. Posy has been alone for a few years. She tries to survive in a world where it's every girl for herself, until one fateful day when she finds an extra tall, buff alien man in the woods. An alien man who has never met a female in his life. * Just for fun - Lots of fluff * Highest rankings- #2 in Romance - 9/28/19 #1 in Alien - 8/12/19 #1 in Post-apocalyptic- 7/29/19 #5 in Invasion - 8/4/19 #47 in Human - 8/2/19

Among Us, Impossible friendship (Canceled/discontinued) by TroublesomeEnzy

THIS BOOK IS CANCELLED, BUT I MIGHT FINISH IT SO NOT HOPES TO BE RAISED!!! Y/N was promoted to study a new, early discovered planet. Y/N sent up into space, and in Y/N's way, Y/N made an unexpected friend, Blue. He was kind, funny, and very cute. But when Blue told Y/N about a foe named Blackenend, and said that he is different had made Y/N want to find out about this Foe. But the never ending war between the other crewmates made it hard for Blue and Y/N to figure out why different bodies are found dead, and who is killing them, and why. But there is more to the bodies than Y/N thought, and made Y/N think about who to trust. And Y/N doubted everything, Untill, Y/N found out everything, and understood the meaning behind friendship, love, punishment, fear, friends, enemies, and trust.

Interstellar by velvenova

"Why look up at the stars, when the biggest star is you?" Polaris sits as the brightest star in Ursa Minor. Everyday, while the other stars of the constellation work on making their orbit, Polaris observes the Earth, wondering what'd it be like to live as a human being and find love. One being stands out in particular to Polaris. It was love at first sight. When Polaris considers traveling down to Earth just to become a human and be with her, he sneaks away from Ursa Minor and descends to Earth. Back on Earth, Ashtynn is a bit a klutz. She acted like every other stereotypical anime girl. Ashtynn was judged a lot for this, causing her to have little to no friends in middle school. When high school came around, she changed her appearance and personality. Ashtynn basically became a delinquent--she got into fights, skipped classes, and trashed school property. Everything was going "well" until her real identity was uncovered and her life went back to the way it was before...until the star boy suddenly transfers to her school. Along with their awkward encounters and serious 'therapy sessions', Polaris and Ashtynn help each other understand what's really important.

Nest Among The Stars by Hillingford

Before the universe existed, God was. Not the God of man made religions but an omniscient presence known only to himself. Then humans were created. Humans multiplied and covered the face of the Earth. Then reaching out to the stars they sought to claim what they believed to be theirs, to share with whatever other sentient species was there. But they found none like themselves. Thinking themselves alone in the universe after centuries of seeking other intelligent life a malaise enters their collective soul. It is then that Earth is unexpectedly contacted by a seemingly omniscient 'voice' heard by all. Told the Earth must be evacuated, humans are encouraged to leave with urgency when first Mercury and then Venus are destroyed. It seems to them that God is not happy. Having reached out to the stars, human kind believed all was theirs, to be shared with beings like themselves who awaited their arrival. Humans had claimed as their own that which they thought to be theirs. Many worlds were discovered. However, they were worlds without life; habitable and yet uninhabited. The offspring of God could find no others like themselves. They then realized, and they regretted, the universe was theirs alone. In denying God they had sought of themselves as gods. And having rejected the Creator of all they possessed, they were now alone in the universe...or so they had thought.

Chasing You (Viktor Krum X Reader) by TheLemonSheriff

"I shouldn't drag you all the way into the castle." "I don't mind," he says. I smile and shrug out of his robes, immediately cursing the atmosphere for its oppressive chill. "But I do. Thank you for walking with me, and for the robes. If I don't see you before the first task, good luck." "I am hoping to see you before then." He doesn't take his robes when I hold them out. "You know where to find me." "And maybe we could play together? Quidditch, I mean," he says. "Maybe, but I'm not sure I could hold my own against you." "What do you mean?" he asks. "I, uh... I know who you are," I say, and it comes out awkwardly. "Well, that isn't fair," he says, and I open my mouth to explain that I'm not some crazy stalker. "You know me already but all I know is your name." "I-" "Y/N Y/L/N," he says, testing each syllable on his tongue. "I want to know more about you, Y/N, Y/L/N." *** Y/N Y/L/N wants to have a memorable seventh year. After she hears that Quidditch is being replaced with a tournament, she is adamant that she will be one of the 'champions'. However, from the very beginning, the tournament is not what it seems, and Y/N soon finds herself fighting for more than fame. She's fighting for her life. From the tournament comes something else, something special with famed Quidditch star, Viktor Krum. The real challenge isn't the tournament. It's the effects. It's the pain, the memories, the corruption, the damage it does. Everything that once came naturally becomes forced, and what was once a light in a life that could use as much brightness as it could get becomes too painful to bear. And now... she's alone. Isolated. Drowning in regret. But he will get her back. No matter what it takes. *UPDATES ON FRIDAYS*

His Prize by google1021

Nina is captured by parbeing man. He plans to turn her into his pet. He knows she won't go down without a fight, but he's not prepared for how much 'fight' she has packed in her small body. His new pet leaks into every area of his life, changing things in ways he could never have imagined. Parbeings are the new and improved apex predators of Earth. Created from gene editing, they are the perfect humans, so perfect that they are no longer even considered human. *** Content Warning: The protagonist of this story is a victim of abuse. I do not condone the actions of the antagonist *** Chapter 1 extract: "Hey Alex. Get over here. I've got something for you," he calls into his collar radio. I reach the end of the alley and turn to face my foe once again, but he remains where he is, still blocking my path but not approaching either. New plan: when he gets close, duck under his arms and make a run for it. Now I just have to wait. Before a minute has even passed, another armoured soldier appears and joins the first. This just keeps getting worse. How am I supposed to dodge past two of them? "What do you want now?" the new soldier grumbles. This one must be Alex. "Look at this cute little human I found. She's feisty. I think she's perfect for you." I glare at them. "I don't want a pet human. That's your disgusting fetish, and I'll have no part in it." "Oh come on Captain," the first soldier whines, "You don't have to fuck her, just train her to be obedient. Surely you can control one measly wild human? You are a captain after all. When you're done, you can just get rid of her, like I do with my humans." What the fuck? For a brief moment my fear is replaced by anger. Who do they think they are, talking about me like I'm some kind of wild animal? "Get the fuck away from me! You freaks!" I screech. The first soldier just flashes an evil grin. They don't budge. "Are you just going to let her talk to you like that?" he goads Alex. (Complete. 70k words.)

ARMALIOH INVASION by Gomezil

One morning everyone on earth vanishes except for Five boys. They freak out when they find out that they are the only ones left so they try to find out what happened in the last 10hrs unfortunately when they find out about what happened it still doesn't explain the vanishing. After some time creatures called Armalioh's invaded earth and they were the one that were responsible for the vanishing. They thought that they had captured all humans but they didn't. The boys embark on a journey as they runaway from the creatures then they discover that they have powers and they start learning to use them. It comes a time where they almost lost one of theirs then they start training, expanding their abilities and learning to control them. when they were ready they discover that there was one boy who didn't vanish making them six now. then they plan on how to rescue the people. "Did they manage to rescue the people or were they captured and made slaves, Find out what happens next"

In Search of Home by RegTheRag

Viktor didn't expect to be abducted by aliens when he went to school one morning, and he certainly didn't expect to be thrown into the alien equivalent of a dog-fighting ring, either. But when fighting for his life quickly becomes his routine, will he be able to muster up the strength to break that mold? Especially when the fate of humanity rests on his shoulders? *** The Vokkrus, a warrior alien species, go to Earth with the intention to 'rescue' the human species from their dying planet. The catch is that they believe humans to be nonsentient and incapable of intelligent thought. They are treated as nothing more than the common animal. They are a commodity, something to fawn over and ogle at. Humanity's strength and stamina are nearly unrivaled on this new planet, and when Viktor is taken to an alien fighting ring, he quickly dominates the competition. Mercy has no place in the arena. When Viktor is adopted by the leader of the Vokkrus, an intimidating alien whose intentions are unclear, he is forced to shed his wariness and convince the alien king to save humanity from his accidental oppression. *** Please don't advertise other stories in the comments! They will get deleted. Cross-posted on ao3 under the same title and username. Wordcount = 350,000+ December 22, 2022: #1 in #alien-abduction January 13, 2023: #2 in #found-family February 22, 2023: #19 in #science February 22, 2023: #1 in #spaceship February 22, 2023: #2 in humanpet

✔ [𝟑] 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 || 𝙷.𝙷𝙰𝙳𝙳𝙾𝙲𝙺 by Kidudora

ᯐ 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝟑 ( 𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝚃𝙾 𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙳𝚁𝙰𝙶𝙾𝙽: 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙷𝙸𝙳𝙳𝙴𝙽 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳 ) ─────────────────── ❝ 𝐖𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒. ❞ ❝ 𝐈𝐓'𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐄❞ 𝗜𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵- The two Dragon Masters discover how hard it is to say goodbye to someone you never planned on saying goodbye to in the first place. They learn that it is okay for things to change, and that just because someone has left doesn't mean that they are gone forever, for you will always carry them within your heart.➶-͙˚ ༘✶ ( 𝙷𝙸𝙲𝙲𝚄𝙿 𝙷𝙾𝚁𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝙳𝙳𝙾𝙲𝙺 𝚇 𝐅𝐄𝐌! 𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙴𝚁 ) ( @𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚞𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚊 ) ───────────────────

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Slide 1 of 20

The Damned Children cover

Frost Bitten (BxB) cover

OWNED (Furry Yandere Girl x Human child reader ) REBOOT cover

Your Protector ✓ cover

No Turning Back (A Socksfor1 AU) cover

LF Friends, Will Travel cover

A Xenomorph's Mate [1] ✓ cover

My Milky Way cover

First to Rise (Excerpt) cover

An Alien Love: Sex And Space (Book 1) cover

Hearts of Delmar 2... ( 2 many Nicoles) cover

Exit Only ✔︎ cover

Among Us, Impossible friendship (Canceled/discontinued) cover

Interstellar cover

Nest Among The Stars cover

Chasing You (Viktor Krum X Reader) cover

His Prize cover

ARMALIOH INVASION cover

In Search of Home cover

✔ [𝟑] 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 || 𝙷.𝙷𝙰𝙳𝙳𝙾𝙲𝙺 cover

The Damned Children

Humanity has unlocked the elixir of eternal life. The brain can be cleaned and washed back into youthfulness. The body cannot. But by transporting the brain to a younger body, one that can host it, it can continue living. The synthetically produced humans are not people. Of course they're not. If they were people then the originally occurring humans would be monsters for killing them and transferring originally occurring brains into their bodies. The originally occurring people are not monsters. Of course not. They just want to live. And to save something you need to kill something. The synths are a necessary sacrifice. ----- Ika has heard what the originals think about the synths. But she also knows her own heart, and her own grief, and her own terror.