I always wanted him, before I even knew that I wanted him. The way he looked at me. The way my body reacted to his gaze. I hated it, at first. Another way to knock me off my game; I was focused. I sat at the front of the class. I raised my hand for damn near every question. Engaged to my education; I was in my element. But now, as I lay here with beeping monitors all around me in the hospital, I don't know if I made the right decision.