suicide thoughts-ghostwritter28

For the past 4 years I've been heavily depressed, I always thought the idea of suicide was stupid and selfish like so many others do, but for the past 2 year I've now experienced what those thoughts are like and how dark and controlling they can be, as a child I had a controlling and abusive father which now I can't stand loosing control of myself or what I'm able to control, suicidal thoughts take that from me, even though I know I'll never commit because of how much I love my nephew and no matter how much I hurt I know nothing will hurt more than not seeing him grow up.
As a few of you know I write, usually short stories sometimes I try start a novel, because I know I'll never commit but I am hurting more than ever I sometimes write what the thoughts feel like and what depression does and takes, it's different for everyone I know that but when I write like this it helps me feel less alone, these aren't suicide notes but more like poems about the feeling of suicide and depression and what it takes for yourself you never thought you could lose, i'm lucky enough to have an anchor that keeps me fighting, not everyone does and sometimes the pain outways the reason to fight, I hope that my writing gives thoes people either one more reason to fight or their first reason to fight.