Schizophrenia

I had Schizophrenia when I was eighteen. I didn't know what was happening to me and I stayed in oblivion for quite a time. I knew there was something wrong. I was not thinking the same way that I used to. I began hallucinating, I saw things that simply weren't there. It felt as if someone was controlling my mind, telling me what to do, and it was killing me. I heard voices that creeped me out. I saw things that are still imprinted on my mind. Everyone kept their distance from me, and I thought of committing suicide, but then someone came in my life that told me it was okay to be different. She helped me through my disorder. She made it all right for me. And to understand my life better, I give you a little sneak peek of how I felt, of how I thought:

I had my hand on her throat. "Kill her," said the voice in my head. Yes, I had to kill her. She was plotting against me. She liked seeing me in pain. I tightened my grip, strangling her. "Gabriel," she sputtered. "You're not thinking straight. It's me. Don't you remember me? I'm your friend Gabriel." But all I saw was blood. Where she should've been, I saw Bloody Whitney, the spirit that had haunted me for ages. "Gabriel, I love you," she croaked. I felt her warm tears on my hand and I loosened my grip and fell to the floor. God, what was I doing? I looked in her eyes. I loved her too. I pulled at my hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I didn't know what I was doing." And she understood better than anyone. After all, she had seen this side of me many times before.