Schizophrenia
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- Parts 4
I had Schizophrenia when I was eighteen. I didn't know what was happening to me and I stayed in oblivion for quite a time. I knew there was something wrong. I was not thinking the same way that I used to. I began hallucinating, I saw things that simply weren't there. It felt as if someone was controlling my mind, telling me what to do, and it was killing me. I heard voices that creeped me out. I saw things that are still imprinted on my mind. Everyone kept their distance from me, and I thought of committing suicide, but then someone came in my life that told me it was okay to be different. She helped me through my disorder. She made it all right for me. And to understand my life better, I give you a little sneak peek of how I felt, of how I thought:
I had my hand on her throat. "Kill her," said the voice in my head. Yes, I had to kill her. She was plotting against me. She liked seeing me in pain. I tightened my grip, strangling her. "Gabriel," she sputtered. "You're not thinking straight. It's me. Don't you remember me? I'm your friend Gabriel." But all I saw was blood. Where she should've been, I saw Bloody Whitney, the spirit that had haunted me for ages. "Gabriel, I love you," she croaked. I felt her warm tears on my hand and I loosened my grip and fell to the floor. God, what was I doing? I looked in her eyes. I loved her too. I pulled at my hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I didn't know what I was doing." And she understood better than anyone. After all, she had seen this side of me many times before.
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I stand there wide eyed and frozen where I am being held in place. The sounds of fists connecting on skin, cracking under his bloody fists. How can he be so cruel and heartless? Why doesn't he just leave me alone? "STOP PLEASE JUST STOP!" I hear myself scream feeling warm tears fall down my cheek. I couldn't bear it anymore. At the sound of my scream, he stops midair snapping his head towards my frightened one with a sadistic smirk. He does that every time someone begs. "Sorry Princess, I don't think I heard you?" He heard me, that's how he plays with people's emotions. "Stop just let him go he didn't do anything wrong." He stares at me blankly. His eyes show anger. "HE DID DO SOMETHING WRONG! HE TOUCHED YOU! NO ONE TOUCHES WHAT'S MINE!" I flinch from his screams, something I always do when he yells. "I'm... we aren't." I shake my head. "Say it. I WANT.TO.HEAR.YOU.SAY.IT!" I know what he wants me to say, I just couldn't. He notices that I am not going to say the three words he wants to hear. Turning to face his punching bag, he lifts his arm again, hatred in his eyes. "STOP! I -- I'll say it, just please stop. He's had enough." I say defeated. Dropping his arm, he drops him on the ground like a sack of dirt and stalks towards me as the arms that restrain me let go. "Tell me Princess. Tell me what I want to hear." he cups my face with his bloody hands. Staring into his cold-hearted eyes I let out a shaky breath "I -- I'm...only...yours." His lips curl up into a smile pulling me into his lips. Kissing me possessively, I shut my eyes tightly. Pulling away he goes back to a serious face. "You.Are.OnlyMine! Remember that. You belong to me. You know I will kill any guy that even thinks to look, speak or touch you. Do you understand me? I nod my head yes glancing over at the limp body on the ground then back at him. Stepping back, he turns and kicks him on his side making him spit blood out. "Next time you're dead!" ... I'm only his...
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