I am not ok
- Reads 17
- Votes 0
- Parts 2
For the past couple days I've been having semi-major anxiety. It's hard to sleep, because when I sleep I dream. And when I dream I have nightmares. And when I have nightmares I wake up in a cold sweat and my heart bumping in my stomach, filled with dread as it keeps sinking. So many things have happened, too many things haven't gone my way. I am not ok.
All Rights Reserved
#64
manicdepression
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
Aurora | ✓
*new cover* I'm living in a house made of glass. I'm scared to move, to breathe, to think. I'm afraid. Any wrong move and I get yelled at, a broken rule and I get beat up...he's not even my father and I'm stuck in his own fucked up version of reality. My own mother is the reason he has me, the reason my family lost me. A broken, lost mafia princess living in the wrong story, taken from the right one. I've been in foster care all my life, until them...my brothers. I am saved by them when my shattered heart was about to turn into stone and when my cries would become echoes in the walls of the prison I was bestowed upon. I was months old when I was stolen from my family. 17 years had to go by for them to finally find me. My dad, my four older brothers..one of which I'll soon discover is my twin. My missing half. Will they be able to mend my shattered soul or will I remain broken and alone? TW: rape, abuse, assault, attempted suicide, strong language - Warning: contains teenage pregnancy SHE DOES KEEP THE BABY STOP SNAPPING AT ME DAMMIT...respectfully <3 *Edited*...sort ofComplete
My Fucking Mess Of A Life
All the times I've had panic attacks, bad thoughts, etc. Basically all that shitty stuff. Warning: mentions of self harm, negative thoughts, and generally just depressing shit. Updates will happen whenever as I write when stuff happens to me because this is actually a non-fiction story. It doesn't seem like I'll be running out of things to write about any time soon though.Complete
"But I Want You,"
He thought he loved her. But in his world, love meant waiting. Watching. Wanting. Mudassir has always been haunted-by his father's control, by years of silence, and by the memory of a girl from university who never knew him more than just an acquaintance. Post-graduation, still trapped in emotional ruin, he finds her again... but not the way he hoped. She's changed. She's moved on. She's engaged. But not him. To him, if it runs-it means chase. As obsession festers, therapy rooms turn into battlegrounds. Kindness is mistaken for invitation. And the line between affection and control begins to disappear. When the past claws its way back into the present, what can truly be salvaged-and what was never real to begin with? This isn't a typical love story, but a descent of obsession, projection, and the danger of trying to fit someone into the shape of your wounds. He didn't just fall in love with her. He built a life around wanting her. ... In the book cover, that's me lol and is made and photographed by me. ... ⚠️ Trigger Warning: This story contains depictions of mental illness (depression, anxiety, OCD, narcissistic traits), suicidal ideation, emotional abuse, death threats, substance use, and toxic family dynamics. Reader discretion is strongly advised. If you're struggling, know that help exists, and you are not alone. ❤️Complete
I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy
CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014Complete
The fate I'd fear you'd have.
(imma do this story because this ship is underrated) though, had you ever wanted to protect someone? love them? do anything to prevent death? that's how he felt. since child, he has lost his family. all of it. years later, he's forced to join a group called "the toppats" bummer. but he met someone he could finally trust. Sven Svenssson but he was worried. a lot. he didn't know if he could fully trust him yet. whenever Burt was worried around Sven or sad, at night a strange dream shows up. it scares him. it leads him to tears. though, Sven 'understands.' it's true, though Burt doesn't believe it. it's the same thing. when Sven sees Burt stressed, worried, sad, heck even dead inside, at night he's inside that dream. both have to see there fate all over again. then it became clear: they are worried about there fate.Complete
Logan
*TW* Contains topics and scenes of sexual assault, self-harm, abuse.* "You know you loved every second of it," I can feel the tears welling up as well as the anger building up within me. I stare at him for a while before I have to turn away from his hungry gaze. "Look I just came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you did back in Cali and I'll take you back," "You forgive me?" I yell. "I did nothing to you. You raped me! You fucking raped me! You have no right to come here and tell me that. You. Forgive. Me. You traumatized me. What you did to me tore me up inside and was eating away at me until I tried to kill myself. And when I told people they didn't believe me. I had to listen to so many people talk about how great a guy you were and how I clearly just regretted sleeping with you. You are a monster. You made me hate myself for something that was never my fault. You have caused me so much pain and suffering," I pause to take a deep breath. "So you don't get to come here to my school and tell me you forgive me. You don't get to make me feel bad about coming forward. The only thing I regret is ever thinking you were a good person." _____________________________________________ Logan Young is a 16-year-old girl about to start her senior year in a brand new town. The past year has been tough and her family moved to give her a fresh start. Her life before the move had been hard and she had been spiraling. She quickly makes new friends and even enemies. She builds up walls to protect herself. But what happens when an unlikely person helps her to tear down her walls and heal. Will she be able to survive in this new place and keep her secrets intact?Complete
Someone New ✓
"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboardComplete
Me Working Through It
Just a bunch of poems I write to help get through life. You can see my journey through anxiety, friendships, relationships, sexuality confusion, family nonsense and depression. You might relate. I love comments (including grammar corrections). I do not own the artwork, I give credit to the artist when I can find it. I do own the poems so please give me credit and all that stuff. I do doubt anyone would be using my poetry for anything but anyway. I have a new book titled 'You.' which you'll be able to find in my account. I will only be updating that book from now on instead of this one as this one is completed.Complete
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionComplete
Anxiety and Panic attacks: How to get rid of them
There are several techniques that you can get to use to counter your anxiety and panic attacks. Many people are affected by these mental problems and they can get out of hand real ugly, ruining our everyday life. In the following guide, you will find an introduction explained with some basic knowledge for this topic and later you get to learn some methods that you should do regularly to keep improving your mental health and some emergency techniques that can get you out of nasty situations. Please be aware that you should still see a therapist if you truly suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. And don't give up after a first try. Working on your mental health is the same as working out in the gym. It won't grow after a single session. I hope this guide helps you and that you are loved by someone in this world.Complete
*new cover* I'm living in a house made of glass. I'm scared to move, to breathe, to think. I'm afraid. Any wrong move and I get yelled at, a broken rule and I get beat up...he's not even my father and I'm stuck in his own fucked up version of reality. My own mother is the reason he has me, the reason my family lost me. A broken, lost mafia princess living in the wrong story, taken from the right one. I've been in foster care all my life, until them...my brothers. I am saved by them when my shattered heart was about to turn into stone and when my cries would become echoes in the walls of the prison I was bestowed upon. I was months old when I was stolen from my family. 17 years had to go by for them to finally find me. My dad, my four older brothers..one of which I'll soon discover is my twin. My missing half. Will they be able to mend my shattered soul or will I remain broken and alone? TW: rape, abuse, assault, attempted suicide, strong language - Warning: contains teenage pregnancy SHE DOES KEEP THE BABY STOP SNAPPING AT ME DAMMIT...respectfully <3 *Edited*...sort of
More detailsContent Guidelines