Help My Unbelief

Help My Unbelief

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It's funny how we try to run away from someone that's always ahead of us. It took me time to realize this and to think of acknowledging it? That took a great deal of strength. To be sincere, how can you just think there's some supernatural being up there to call messiah or whatever you choose? Or can you? To add, even if I wanted to believe, the pain I went through in getting to where I am today won't let me. Number one question, if He truly exist, why would He let me suffer like that? How am I even sure it's a He and not a She? ma'am Louisa as always, loves saying He has no gender. Is it just me or was there still a "He" in the statement? Whatever, I'm sure if He exists, then He possibly hated me for belonging to the female gender. Not to boast now, but with my experiences, I've come to realize that if God isn't real, then there's nothing like real.
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Hurt, pain, doubt, insecurity, temporary happiness, fear, toxic relationships, anger, anxiety, issues, and chaos. They were the unwelcome passengers on my road trip of life. While being pregnant with my daughter Lea, I was in a really dark place and one day I met some random girl in college name Nicole, she sat next to me on the hallway floor. Her being there was making me tremble from the inside out. But it wasn't her, it was Jesus in her. The way she let Jesus take over her life, made everyone feel the presence of God. I started to sobbed and she hugged me (without knowing me) then I cried even harder. She said, "there's nothing you can do that will make God unlove you." To make the long story short, that day I surrender my life to Jesus and made a friend for life. I decided to make this 39 days bookish of writings because when life hit us hard we need a reminder of hope, joy, faith, love, and worth. The thing that inspires me every time I find myself in great difficulty is the knowledge that God loves me unconditionally, despite all my shortcomings.

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