The more she is being close with him the more she is tangling deep in herself. The complete darkness and echoes of horror swallowing her more whenever she thinks that maybe, maybe this perfect human loves her. And being loved is something she doesn't want anymore. It's depressing. Love comes with many aspects that failed her before and she failed herself by not taking step before hitting the rock bottom. She might fail this person too who trusted his parents and married her without second thought.