Hollowed out man
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Ongoing<5 mins
Last published Sun, Oct 9, 2022
My brother died last January, he was a good man but suffered interpersonally his entire life. He always was seen as an outcast in society who never fit in to society standards. He self medicated using fentanyl and because of those circumstances he spent many years hating himself. Last year while on drugs my brother had gotten caught up in a chase with police while fleeing he made the choice to end his life by suicide by cop and was shot to death. I love my brother and only saw the person he really was I wish he had seen himself through my eyes perhaps he would still be here. I wrote this in his frame of mind
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Sam: I was raised the way that teaches you to be selfless. That's what I was doing my whole life. Taking care of my little brother when my parents couldn't or didn't want to, helping with chores, working, doing my best at school so I don't embarrass my family name, following my father's dreams and mothers expectations. Everything for them, to satisfy them, to please them. No one was ever satisfied with me though, I'm never good enough for no one. So as usual I bought a drink to reward myself for a once again perfect score on the exam. One drink turns into five and I find myself following some guy with pretty eyes. What I didn't know is that next time we meet I'm not going to be the one drunk and it's not going to be the last time I see him either. Quite the opposite, he'll manage to turn my life upside down, ruining it completely, and only the end of the world will be able to fix all of it. Daryl: When I was younger I used to think I was born with a curse in my blood, but then I understood that life is just a bitch. From my mother's death to surviving under my father's thumb and then jumping under Merle's. Whole my life I stood neck deep in shit, be it bird shit, my own shit or my family's. Every day is a stupid fight to not drown in that pool of shit, and for years the only thing keeping me floating were drugs and alcohol. But then, this bloody sunshine dropped into my life. After all the years of violence and roughness I grew to crave him like a secret drug. His gentle touch, his unconditional love and care. As much as my scarred soul craves it, this thing between us is crossing all the lines and breaking all the rules I knew. So I drown in ecstasy and weed even more, trying to figure myself out, so lost in my own bullshit that I didn't notice that his perfect life isn't as good as he says it is, and when I finally open my eyes, he's gone. He's fucking gone, and world is too, or at least the way we knew it.
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