To the Moon and Back

She was changing from inside. She wasn't like this before. She was kind, understanding and was forgiving to others. Now all she wants is to hurt people with much more intensity than they have hurt her. She was scared of herself but perhaps she was protecting herself from all the hurt that people caused her by hurting them more and by being cold-hearted towards them. She was transforming into someone brutal, someone she didn't recognize as herself anymore. Maybe she was transforming into a monster, a demon just like the girl in the story she read had. But that girl from the story eventually got free from the shackles of her demons. Will she ever find peace like that girl or in real life there is no reversal from this transformation, she often wondered. She wanted to escape far away from all this hurt and pain. Sometimes the escape she thought to be the best was a painful death, sometimes a painless death in sleep, sometimes forgetting herself in the world of fantasy and fiction and sometimes she wanted to create a world of her own, where everything would be just as she always wanted, where she would be loved and never hurt. Where there would be no pain, just happiness and peace. She was seeking peace of soul but couldn't find it anywhere. She was incomplete just like the moon of 19th, not growing into something complete and mesmerizing but receding into darkness and nothingness.