MOCKINGBIRD

From losing her dad to almost losing her boyfriend to a failed suicide attempt, Ella's got a few tricks up her sleeve to keep herself sane. Troye's failed attempt leaves her anxious. She wants to know the reason behind it -- all the truths that lie beneath the surface but no one will give it to her.
When she starts looking for them on her own, Ella uncovers a hidden truth that leaves her fighting to keep above water. It's filling her lungs and drowning her. And it must be possible to drown and still survive. That's what she hopes, at least.
--
Beatrice Sparks once said, "I used to think I was the only one who felt something. But I really am one infinitely small part of an aching humanity. It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth." A thirteen-year-old me would've been oblivious to the meaning of her words.

She would've been stuck with a face-valued quote. She had no idea that we would begin with bleeding on the inside, and she would've never guessed that it would seep through our clothes.

Underneath my layers of fabric is skin, and I've got miles of it. I've got stripes that paint my thighs like a zebra, birthmarks imprinted onto sacred land, and scars that tell a story. Mom calls them battle wounds, a code name for what they truly are.

She says they're a representation of everything I've ever been through, that they tell the world that I am strong and capable of overcoming. She says they will remind me of my strength, and that they will guide me on the right path when I am older.

Mom doesn't know that their railways only continue to grow, she doesn't know that the map has become confusing and no longer paves the way to perseverance. Mom hasn't seen the bandages that cover them.

-Excerpt from chapter eight, MOCKINGBIRD.