meaningless words to fill empty space
- Reads 455
- Votes 11
- Parts 65
MatureOngoing20m
Last published Thu, Feb 22, 2024
TW// suicide, self-harm, substance abuse, emotional and physical abuse, intrusive thoughts, any phobia you can think off, fomo and fobi, school, homophobia, racism, abelism, transphobia, rejection, failure, self-hatred more like self-loathing, dismorphia, disphoria, night terrors and sleep paralysis, drowning, disociating, death, living and anything i forgot to mention
sometimes saying hello is harder than goodbye. before you say hello, you can almost see the ending happening. it gets to the point where there is no point leaving your room. no point in trying in school or trying to make friends because you know in a matter of a short couple months, they will leave like everyone else. they will use you and throw you away like a forgotten toy.
i am apologizing in advance because i know people will find my words demented and cruel. perhaps maybe even injust. but here's the thing, i don't care what you all think. i am only doing this because i need an outlet for all these words and rhymes spiriling inside my head. to be honest, all i really want is for someone to be able to relate to my words. then again, no one can. no one can truly understand because i write from my experiences and mine alone. yes this is a bit depressing, i am a pessimist after-all, but i will hold a singular sliver of light in my cold heart and that is you find consolation in my meaningless words.
anyway, enjoy i guess.
All Rights Reserved
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionComplete
Blaine's Opportunity
TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ MENTIONS OF Rape, family abuse and suicidal thoughts. Do not read if this may trigger you. The story isn't all depressing but there are certain family situations brought up. It's a good read, enjoy. "It's ok, Blaine. I promise." I whispered into her ear. Her strong arms wrapped me so tightly. I felt so warm and safe... it's weird how calm everything felt in this moment. I hear her sniffle. "I... don't wanna go back." She whispered. I rubbed her back. "You don't have to if you don't want to I promise. You can stay as long as you want." I whispered back. ------ Blaine Jarome was known for the attitude and anger issues. She was considered a problem child in her school, aggressive at work and in and out the hospital for injuries she never explained how she got. She only had two friends who always worried about her and she lived with two drug addicted foster parents that bought drugs from her. She's nineteen trying to finish her second last year of high school. No one dared to even intervene when she was mad... but the new girl? Well let's just say a big heart goes a long way. Sara gives Blaine an opportunity to do better and try harder. She tries to help her see her potential and see that she is great. The only thing is, will Blaine except the opportunity she's been given.Complete
The Twisted Mind
"I felt as if I didn't belong, And I felt as if i'm not sick enough" Alfie struggles with the concept of food. He loves it, he hates it and just wants to find peace with it and within himself. He wants to make up with his body, his mind but he's lost all control so he's finding it hard to live. Alfie Hailo, a 16 year old swimmer, has been struggling with food since the age of 13. His parents put him in dance class when he was 6 but he was getting bullied as he got older, so decided to quit and choose a more 'masculine' sport.His father also left the family home 2 years prior and has been struggling to understand why. He has amazing friends, and an amazing family who love and care for him dearly but, he doesn't feel this. He feels like he has to be perfect. With the pressure of school, and having to keep up to the social norms of a professional swimmer, it's hard for Alfie to concentrate. He needs the help. And to do this, Alvin helps. Alvin helps him find his worth, take control, and makes his life easier, or so he seems. His best friends, Killian and Ruby, know Alfie inside and out. They know his family life, school life. And this is because Alfie is a simple person. He has never had a detention, nor has he been expelled. He's a straight A student with no history of alcohol or drug abuse. Will they suspect anything? How will Alfie proceed with his excruciating pain. Will he cover it up or will he find the courage to speak up and seek help?Complete
Logan
*TW* Contains topics and scenes of sexual assault, self-harm, abuse.* "You know you loved every second of it," I can feel the tears welling up as well as the anger building up within me. I stare at him for a while before I have to turn away from his hungry gaze. "Look I just came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you did back in Cali and I'll take you back," "You forgive me?" I yell. "I did nothing to you. You raped me! You fucking raped me! You have no right to come here and tell me that. You. Forgive. Me. You traumatized me. What you did to me tore me up inside and was eating away at me until I tried to kill myself. And when I told people they didn't believe me. I had to listen to so many people talk about how great a guy you were and how I clearly just regretted sleeping with you. You are a monster. You made me hate myself for something that was never my fault. You have caused me so much pain and suffering," I pause to take a deep breath. "So you don't get to come here to my school and tell me you forgive me. You don't get to make me feel bad about coming forward. The only thing I regret is ever thinking you were a good person." _____________________________________________ Logan Young is a 16-year-old girl about to start her senior year in a brand new town. The past year has been tough and her family moved to give her a fresh start. Her life before the move had been hard and she had been spiraling. She quickly makes new friends and even enemies. She builds up walls to protect herself. But what happens when an unlikely person helps her to tear down her walls and heal. Will she be able to survive in this new place and keep her secrets intact?Complete
Mirrored
Tropes: Childhood friends to lovers, Soulmates, Twin Flames, she falls first but he falls harder (or is that the case . . .), you complete me, Tragic past, Dark Fairytale 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝘼𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙘 https://pin.it/57WqdWXHE (copy and paste🩷) 𝙎𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 I found - Amber Run Panic Room - Au/Ra I'm a Mess - Bebe Rexha Lose my Mind - Dean Lewis Monster - Eminem Ft. Rihanna Demons - Imagine Dragons Experience - Ludovico Einaudi Map - Maroon 5 Fire on Fire - Sam Smith Where's my Love - SYML How to Save a Life - The Fray Dusk till Dawn - Zayn ft Sia 𝑲𝒂𝒚𝒂 𝑯𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒐 She is your typical sunshine. All bright smiles and big personalities - or at least that is what she shows to everyone else besides herself. The only person who see's her dark thoughts, numbed feelings, and painful days was him. But after her father was found to be the traitor of the Yakuza organization in the States, she is immediately labelled as the traitors daughter. An enemy, a scum. With a mother battling wit health issues, a younger sister to provide for, she begs for mercy. 𝑹𝒚𝒐𝒔𝒖𝒌𝒆 𝑺𝒂𝒌𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒛𝒖𝒌𝒊 The person the world sees is cold, manipulative, apathetic man who was the next leader of the Yakuza Organization of the states. He was seen as emotionless, even those close to him. Naturally, everyone expected him to get rid of the traitor's family. Except he didn't. He has emotions, but hides them. But there was one person who knew him better than he did and couldn't apply his logic to . . . Her. So what happens when a girl who feels too much and a boy who pretends to feels very little fall for each other and find that they complete each other when their situations pulls them apart?
Stale Words
𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 is an ongoing book and collection of poems and sonnets made by me, inspired by my thoughts, dreams, and personal experiences. As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, a lot of my thoughts are bound to not be very pleasant. But hey, some of them are quite philosophical and positive. But that's rare. Join me on my journey through sadness, happiness, curiosity, mystery, and so much more. I was inspired to make a collection of my poems, and I decided to just do it. My poem, "Falling For You Against My Will" features lyrical references from the following: Head Over Heals - Starset ALWAYS BEEN YOU - Chris Grey
Sad Girl Clapback *Now Available in Amazon*
*PUBLISHED as 'Tired of Being Tired, Sick of Being Sad' by Azia To *now on amazon* This is the book I wish I had when I was 12, 13, 14 and growing up until I was 20. It's the stuff I wish I told my high school self. *** This is how I feel - these are my thoughts. They're funny. They're a bit weird. They're extremely honest. And I will not be apologetic about any of this (Sorry - I'm not trying to give Canadians a bad rep here but...). All these short essays are raw and mean a lot to me. This is me handing you a key to my home, and for you to explore the parts that I have built and things that I have picked up along my journeys. You may find that my home may look a lot like yours. It's funny how we find parts of ourselves in the people we meet. Make yourself comfortable. Have a seat. Welcome. *** A collection of funny essays about hurting, loving, and healing as a teenage girl in 2018.Complete
Shit Happens
This is for anyone that can't put there thoughts and feelings into words. Whether it be at your best, worst, most beautiful, or most tragic times. These poems will remind you of them. Or so I hope. Because I mean Shit Happens. What you should expect from this book: I am not trying to make excuses for why I push so many people away, I am not trying to make excuses for my actions, I don't get excuses, not anymore, No, I am merely providing explanations, If you don't like them, If you don't except them, If you just don't care, Then that's on you, Because I will not answer the question why anymore, I will bare my soul to you in the folds of these pages, Not saying a word, These are my explanations, These are me, Do with them as you will. And I mean, just don't be an asshole. Thanks. Kisses <3Complete
Noah (Obsessions in Overdrive #1)
I've always had a feeling that I would die young. Ever since I started pondering on deaths door I've had this feeling. I could care less about the hell and heaven shenanigans, but death. I want it. The end of my life. I want to be in my suit, in my coffin, in the ground and my soul to be gone. I've been waiting for 16 years, yet no sign of death opening his door no matter how many times I ring his doorbell. Yeah, I enjoy thinking about my end. Especially at moments like this... *** #1 physical #1 cuteguys #1 addiction #2 self-esteem *** Started: 7 November 2022 Finished: 18 April 2024Complete
Words Unspoken
There is a community of the spirit. Join it, and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street, and being the noise. Drink all your passion, and be a disgrace. Close both eyes to see with the other eye. Open your hands, if you want to be held. Sit down in this circle. Quit acting like a wolf, and feel the shepherd's love filling you. At night, your beloved wanders. Don't accept consolations. Close your mouth against food. Taste the food. You moan, "She left me." "He left me." Twenty more will come. Be empty of worrying. Think of who created thought! Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being. There's a strange frenzy in my head, of birds, flying, each particle circulating on its own. Is the one I love everywhere? Drunks fear the police, but the police are drunk too. People in this town love them both like different chess pieces. ----------------------------------- All things that we hide in our hearts eat us alive. This book is - full of emotions, love, care and agitation. Well, you need to read this to know what's in. Moreover, It consists of quotes, snippets, poems, bits of advice...Ummm simply deep and random stuff. Go Ahead! HIGHEST rank #1 in poetry as of 19.02.2018 ----------------------------------- 4/10/17 --- 19/04/18Complete
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression
More detailsContent Guidelines