Story cover for İstanbul'u Yaşamak by Hayal23perest44
İstanbul'u Yaşamak
  • Reads 7
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  • Parts 1
  • Time 10m
  • Reads 7
  • Votes 0
  • Parts 1
  • Time 10m
Ongoing, First published Nov 17, 2022
Parmaklar, kaleme kavuşmak için can atıyor. Kalem ise kelimelere...  Kelimeler cümlelere vuslat duyuyor, diller cümlelere kavuşursa bitmek tükenmek bilmeyen bir özleme mahkum olacak. Parmaklar kaleme hasret, kalem ise kelimelere... Kelimeler cümlelere sevdalı, diller ise cümlelerle yaralı...
Her biri kavuşamayacağını bile bile sevdalanıyor. Her biri bir acıya gebe... Tıpkı insanoğlu gibi onlar da... Seviyor, özlem duyuyor, vuslata erişmek istiyor... Bunların olmayacağını bile bile... Sevgi İle acıya gebe kalıyorlar. Sevgi acıya gebedir çünkü. Doğar, büyür, sever, sevilirler ve araya bir hasret girer. Ya sen ondan gidersin ya o senden...

Benim için de öyle olmuştu, Kah onları kaybetmekle kah nefret etmekle sınanmıştım. Sınavı geçip geçemediğim ise hala meçhul...

Ben İstanbul! Hayatım da ismim gibi karmaşık. Bir sınavım vardı ailemle olan, yıllarca o sınavı geçebilmek için çabaladım, o sınavı geçebilmek için sabrettim, savaştım ve en çokta ' Korktum. '  

Neden korktum biliyor musunuz? Sevdiklerimi kaybetmekten, onlardan nefret etmekten korktum. Ben kendimden, güvensizliğimden, hatalarımdan ve insanlardan korktum. Kendimle yüzleştiğimde ise artık bambaşka bir ben vardı. Çünkü ben değişmiştim. Korkmuyordum bir kere, sonra güveniyordum kendime, olumsuzluklardan kurtulmuştum, kararsız biri değildim artık, her insanla iyi geçinmek zorunda değildim! Çünkü bu yeni ben, eski benin bastırılmış yanıydı, çünkü bu yeni ben, kimseyi umursamıyordu, çünkü bu yeni ben, gerçek bendi...

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