The Scream

The Scream.

I’ve never really
understood this picture

At least,

Not until now.

He (I’ll just say it’s a he) looks like he is going crazy.

But his scream is silent.

It makes no impact.

Nothing in his environment
is reacting to his silent screaming.

He’s suffering is
invisible.

The world around him
continues to go on

while he screams silently.

He is hiding his suffering

He only screams when no one else it looking.

I feel his pain.

I feel the terror that his eyes
show so perfectly

I feel his frustration.

The world continues on while I,

Lost,

Afraid,

ANGRY,

Scream in my head.

Unable to let the anger,

The fear,

The desperation,

Show.

Because if I show people how
scared,

How terrified,

I am,

They will not understand.

They will ask me if I am okay.

‘Does it look like I’m okay!?! I am scared out of my mind day and night. I feel as
though I am in the middle of a tornado, under its terrifying control, unable to
stand up straight, in fear of being thrown far away. I am afraid that in the
very near future, my world will crumble, that the very thin string holding me
together will break. And when that string breaks, what happens? So please,
don’t ask me if I’m okay, because I will just look at you, smile, and say, “I’m
fine”’. Because if you knew what my problems were, you would know that it is
not a question of whether or not I am fine, but whether or not I am able to get
out of bed each morning. Whether or not I am able to smile at a lame joke.
Whether or not I can keep up the lies. Whether or not I can deal with all the
secrets that I have been trusted with.

Whether
or not I can breathe.

The scream captures me perfectly.

The terror only shows in his eyes.

If his eyes didn’t look so
scared, his face would look almost comical.

His face is able to hide his
fear,

But his eyes…

His eyes show the true terror
and pain inside.