Story cover for Intrusive Thoughts by TheUsualOddities
Intrusive Thoughts
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  • WpView
    Reads 11
  • WpVote
    Votes 2
  • WpPart
    Parts 2
  • WpHistory
    Time <5 mins
Complete, First published Dec 25, 2022
Mature
My intrusive thoughts have been getting worse lately and I need to get them out or I'll go insane

I've had intrusive thoughts since I was a kid in the form of maladaptive daydreaming and repetitive thoughts that wouldn't leave me until I acted on them. These are mostly harmless.

Lately my intrusion thoughts have been focusing on self mutilation. Horrific and graphic acts of violence upon the self flood my mind. Despite not having any tendencies towards self harming on my own, I can't stop thinking about hanging myself, slicing open my abdomen, shattering my skull on cement, punching glass so it cuts my hand, ect ect ect ect ect ect ect

This isn't really a story, just me trying to put my thoughts into words. I've never self harmed in actuality and hopefully never will, this is just a greatly disturbing fixation I've had recently.
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I never thought I'd actually do this.... I've thought about it but never actually gone through with it.... The voice in my head has been screaming at me for years... But I never actually tried to do... This... It's hard to be around people when you have someone telling you to tear their throats out with your teeth... But it's worse when you're alone. She tells me to do terrible things to myself... Tells me I'm worthless... Unloved....Expendable... Of course I believe her. She's in my head for Christ's sakes how can I not believe her. It's so hard...I gave in...I had no choice...the temptation is so strong. I can't hug people without wondering what it would feel like to thrust a knife into their back and feel their bodies jerk in surprise as they slowly began to realize...that they're dying.....they're being murdered...and not by a complete stanger...but by a person that they love....that they thought they could trust....oh god I want to...give in..... I can't believe my life is like this. Why me? How could I do such a horrible thing? Why....