Devil's Daydreams

The barrel of the 9mm mildly pushes againts my head as my fingers curl around the trigger. . I am not very contented by the idea of death by firearm, and I am certain I could've come up
with something way more...memorable. But I didn't.
Instead I just stand at the edge of a cliff, gazing down into the abyss at the bottom of which violent waves clash together mercilessly. The sun is slowly rising by the horizon, indicating that if I don't get this over with now, I won't be able to do it myself.Yet I stay motionless, unable to pull the damn trigger. And the reason for that is very simple; I don't want to. I don't want to die, but even if I put the gun down my lifespan will not exceed this day, and I'd rather take my own life than have someone else do it.
So I continue standing there like a confused child, waiting for a sudden reason that will lead my brain into thinking there is one way out of this, death. And the instant I get this thought in my head I get one. "Valerie."A reason. A motive.
Boom.
After a moment of sudden pain everything goes dark. But not for as long as I'd hoped. Five seconds later my eyes open again.
Oh my God. It didn't work. Of course it didn't.