me/nothing

hi I am a person but I sometimes think or wish I'm nothing. I am using this as a dairy kinda but I just want to get some stuff out without people knowing that it is my life. I will start with my past. It start when I was really young my mom did some drugs but she dropped those and started drinking.
She and my dad always fought and I cried a lot about it worrying about what if they got a divorce. when I got older I realized I had really bad anxiety like my mom. I would constantly worry about my health my familys health and stuff. I have triggers when it comes to my break downs. Such as my family and close friends. At the age of 7 I moved acrossed my state. I got held back in second grade and I was bigger so I got made fun of a lot it sucked. I still get made fun of my size a lot but I ignore it because I know I'm better then those people. I hate life a lot but it was really bad for me in forth grade I got bullying and I had no friends and stuff and I was really depressed. it didn't help that in fifth grade my mom got really sick and went to the hospital and stayed there from 12/03/21-01/03/22 an month her biggest fear was dying in the hospital like her mom so then she went to her aunts house where she took care of her and me and my dad and brother came there as well to take care of my mom she then died on 02/05/22 right before my birthday I remember waking up to my dad crying and I knew. I'll tell you more next time I right bye