you look so cool. (matty healy)
  • Reads 32,874
  • Votes 611
  • Parts 54
  • Time 5h 17m
  • Reads 32,874
  • Votes 611
  • Parts 54
  • Time 5h 17m
Complete, First published Jan 31, 2023
Mature
Fuck. That grey puff of smoke follows him everywhere. The scent of cigarettes sticks everywhere, and it always reminds me of him.

But it's not him. 

I haven't seen him in six years, but a simple puff of smoke on the London streets takes me back to that gas station all those years ago.

Ski Masks.

Cigarettes.

Me.

Matty.

It all feels like yesterday. Until it all fell apart.

I remember the last thing he said to me, "you look so cool". This was before his band got big. Before I went back to school and established my own career, making a name for myself.

I smell it before I see him. It's been six damn years and here he is, standing in my doorway that damn cigarette hanging off his lip. 

Matty fucking Healy.
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"Please don't go." "I'm sorry." "I hate you." "Can we go somewhere?" "I forgive you." "Do you actually love me?" "I don't want to be here anymore." "I fucking love you." "I'm sorry." "Please stay." These were things said often between the two. They were so enthralled in each other. They couldn't get enough. Skin to skin wasn't close enough. Kissing constantly. Driving with hands gripping thighs. Hands tangled in hair. Nails clawing backs. Eyelashes brushing cheeks. Heads resting on chests. They wanted nothing more than to crawl into each other, and never come out. Say goodbye to the rest of the world and crawl away into their own. They loved each other so much that hand holding and neck kissing wasn't enough. Sex wasn't nearly as close as they'd like to be. They wrapped limbs through limbs and never wanted to let go. They couldn't stop. But minutes feel like hours spent apart. They spent hours in each other's arms. Listening to music, driving, singing, loving, living. They couldn't bare time apart. She was obsessed with him and he was in love with her. They romanticised each other. They wrote poetry and songs and lyrics and melodies about each other. He was hers and she was his. They belonged to each other. They smoked together and drank together and they couldn't stop. Maybe it was unhealthy. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was toxic, doomed to end badly. Maybe it'd kill them. (Maybe the drugs would.) Maybe they were being dangerous. Maybe this would be the death of them. But they didn't care. *smut warning in quite a few chapters lmaoo* published 2015
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