The Thing About Parrots

A destined-for-greatness Snake-whispering Halfblood orphan with a Fawkes-tail-feather wand whose first childhood memory is the death of his mother, a brunette muggleborn know-it-all Witch who started first year by crying in the girl's lavatory because she was picked on by her fellow housemates, and a rather tactless hand-me-down wearing Gryffindor who can eat enough to make a centaur proud. Sound familiar? Well... about that...

A crack-ish fic about a Tom Riddle who had no idea that his mother was a witch, but assumed she was from the circus as Mrs. Cole had said. There he learns of prejudice, but instead of embracing it and cultivating a supermacist, muggle-hating persona, he goes the opposite direction after being called mudblood one too many times and deciding to roll with it. Genius to a fault but considered an outcast, Tom surrounds himself with others like him, including the unpopular Myrtle Warren and the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid. The rag-tag bunch of Hogwarts pariahs form a close bond over the fact that everybody looks down on them and the mutual hatred for Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans (and Olive Hornby, that bint). Features a not evil but insane Tom Riddle.

Ported from my accounts (as oniforever and ascendingSeraph) on Fanfiction.net and AO3.