Is it Just Me Falling?
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- Parts 18
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There’s a lot I would like to say to you, but I’m afraid I’m not good with words, or with this language foreign to my tongue. My tongue knows not the poetic proverbs one could belt out, or the sounds you make and understand. It barely knows this language, the language of love. My heart hammers on my rib cage and sometimes forgets its function. It’s new at this, please be lenient. It can’t beat steadily when you smile like that, so please don’t. It can’t remember to beat at all when you take my hand, so please warn it before you do. My heart would be really, really happy to see you happy and safe every day. If it is possible, I would like to remain like this, where we are friends and it’s okay to laugh with you. I’ll try not to make you feel upset or uncomfortable. Forgive my heart, it’s new to this.
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the suicide mind
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KOI NO YOKAN (COMPLETED)
"You may kiss the bride." I can hear the people clapping and cheering for the bride and groom standing before us. They face each other with a smile as tears form in their eyes. The groom raises his bride's veil, his hands holding her face, and they stare at each other. The people start to cheer, and their clapping grows louder, and I can't even raise my hands. I just watch them-I watch them intently as I listen to my heart pounding. The groom leans in and finally kisses his bride. He's kissing... my bride. I swallow the lump in my throat and lick my lips. I blink several times to push back the tears I want to fall and force myself to clap and plaster a smile on my face. That's it, Jath. Who would've thought the best thing you could do for the person you love so much was to clap at her wedding with somebody else? Ha, you were planning to give her the whole world, but she's already living in his. What a joke. I endure the sight of my first love and her groom facing us as they hold hands. The smile on her face is the kind of smile I haven't seen in my entire life-one that I devoted to loving her. She never smiled at me like that. I bite my tongue as I stop myself from clapping and watch the people stand up as they walk down the aisle, people cheering and celebrating with them, as I turn my back away from my bride. Seven years. I waited seven years to see the woman I love marry somebody else.Complete
LUMINANCE (COMPLETED)
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Unveiled Sessions
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Emotional Amnesia
Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say, "I know you're not". I have felt like this many times in my life; as a kid, teenager and as an adult. I have seen many things in my life and felt even more things that has been horribly depressing... But I got up. I stood up to walk on for another day. I dealt with my emotional amnesia the only way I knew I could and that was by writing it out into poetry. I wanted to forget my pain and forget what I was going through. I needed that cut of the blade or a pill to drink to take everything away. My poetry became both my pill and my blade... Now I share the most intimate part of myself with the world. The part of me I kept hidden in the closet. The part I never thought I would ever present to the world. Now is the time I have to stop having amnesia about my emotions. It is time to learn, to better myself and to stand up and remember the things that I shut out like a voluntary amnesia all these years. Those who are offended after reading this - f**k you! If you are sad with me and willing to cut your wrist - I know how you feel! If you just enjoy the words - I love you! #679 in Poetry on 17/03/2018 #779 in Poetry on 18/03/2018 #807 in Poetry on 19/03/2018 #474 in Poetry on 22/03/2018Complete
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These are the words that my fingers write and my heart cries when my mouth can't speak.
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