Falling for death

This is the story how I fell in love with the idea of my mother being dead.

That one nightmare turned into a reality, the dream of death became reality, the one thing I wished for became a reality and it isn't as tasty as I thought it would be... From a very young age I wished my mother would die, it isn't as scary as it sounds. I've always taken care of myself and my mother hasn't been anything but a burden to my life. So therefore I've wished she wouldn't wake up so I could finally breathe, but the day that turned into a walking nightmare I wished differently. The months leading up to the death of my mom I wished for it, I fell in love with the idea but the moment her heartbeat flatlined, I didn't feel relief, I felt disappointment. A normal reaction you would say but to me it was anything but normal. I expect to feel the weight lift off my shoulders, for the air to return to my very tired lungs. But nothing but pain.

The story I wish would happen most certainly didn't, definitely an ending I didn't expect to come from my own life.

started feb 20 2023