The Story Of My (Ridiculous) Life
in_your_toilet_06
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  • Parts 7
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  • Reads 262
  • Votes 45
  • Parts 7
  • Time 1h 0m
in_your_toilet_06
Ongoing, First published Feb 24, 2023
clichecomedydonaldtrumpdramadramaticfangirlfreepalestinefunnyhumorkidnappedbyonedirectionmahsaaminipoliticsrandomuyghurmuslims
**JUST FOR JOKES PLS DONT GIMME HATE LOL (also rip liam ily)

"Yes. I believe in equality and feminism and justice and freedom. I love one direction and bts and taylor swift and yes, I'm basic, and what the hell are you gonna do about it?" I spat. The crowd in the auditorium gasped loudly. "So shoot me. But I'll be darned if you do." His finger moved to the trigger but before he could do anything a voice boomed out from behind me.

"WAIT!" Trump screamed into a microphone. Everyone's heads snapped towards Trump and Simon Cowell. "Firstly-" Trump raised his hands. "We're gonna build a wall." 

"FREE PALESTINE!!!" Zayn suddenly screamed, running across the pitch with the biggest flamethrower I have ever seen in my life.

HOLD UP. LETS REWIND.

*rewinds*

Audrey has been kidnapped (yes, KIDNAPPED) by the retired band One Direction. Like the stupid dumb memes she sees on tiktok. Her day could literally not get any worse (it's actually going alright... she's just a bit confused and shocked).

When Hazza Styles comes kicking down doors and saving the world (at least, that's his excuse for robbing), Audrey discovers that the missing former band members have resorted into a life of crime to reach their end goal, and there's nothing they won't do to reach it (including kidnapping). What is their end goal, you may ask? :

DESTROY PRESIDENT TRUMP AND SIMON COWELL (+BTS, their biggest rivals)
All Rights Reserved
clichecomedydonaldtrumpdramadramaticfangirlfreepalestinefunnyhumorkidnappedbyonedirectionmahsaaminipoliticsrandomuyghurmuslims
Table of contents

7 parts

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Adopted by One Direction(Editing) by samm_thats_me_
32 parts Complete
This is not the same story that starts with a girl who's been abused or been in an orphanage for her entire life. No,this is the story of how a girl who had a happy life ended up on a big world of drama and fame. Samantha was a normal girl. She had a really bad past but lived with her adoptive mother,Lucy. She loved Lucy more than anyone in the whole entire world, and Lucy loved her as her own, but what she didn't know was that her mom was One Direction's body guard. That was until she invited them to spend the summer over their house. Samantha hated One Direction but through time, she learned to love them. One day her mom dies on a car crash and that's when she gets adopted by One Direction. What happens when there's secrets between all of them? Hertbreaking news? Fights? She never wanted too much drama in her life.......there's a secret that the boys are keeping from her. She saved them from doing the biggest mistake of their lifes which was- well you're gonna have to read to find out!
Kidnapped By Vampires?? (Louis Tomlinson Love Story) by NicolexxNiall
25 parts Complete Mature
A hand covered my mouth. It started pulling me into a room. I tried kicking and screaming but they wouldn't budge. Once we were in the room I noticed four other boys. But not just any boys, the boys of One Direction. Next thing I know I'm pinned up against a wall by the one and only Louis Tomlinson. I tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge. Instead he just chuckled and said "Don't even try love." *This is the first book of the kidnapped by vampires series. Seeing as I wrote this when I was in seventh grade I would like to point out this story does have a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. So please don't try and point them out because I am well aware of them. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the story!*
NO Change /One Direction FF/ Completed/ by IloveCoffeeee
16 parts Complete Mature
lets get something clear, i hate one direction. so, why? dear lord, was i plucked from my hometown, and beautiful gym, and friends, flew half across america and dropped in a house with nine other girls and five of the most annoying stupid childish idiotic boys in the history of the earth. now when i say hate, i dont mean the normal kind of hate, i mean the, the second they start singing, i wanna reach down my throat, rip out my organs and strangle the five boys with them. yeah. that kind of hate. nobody would define me as a girly girl. no way. and if i did, maybe i should keep my organs around if you get my drift. no. i dont think im going to enjoy this particular "life changing" experience.
An Attack Helicopter Brought us Together by Catty_batty
40 parts Complete
Five girls, semi-friends on a quest to escape North Korea, steal an attack helicopter and crash it by chance outside BTS's apartment building. Under pressure, they all must learn to cooperate, or they could all be killed. Slowly, unpredictable bonds are built (and a few are destroyed), along with fledgling empires and an awful lot of cats (ask Ember - it's her fault there are cats everywhere!) Excerpts: -.-.- "...It'll be good for PR, and after that whole fiasco at the awards show, fans think that you're uh... Dating each other." "Wait, what?" Jin breathes. "But I'm like 29! They're like 18!" "It's legal though," Beverly smiles. "But for real, can I date Jimin?" "Ew, no." Jimin frowns, "I hate you." -.-.- "We're not getting you a gun," Junk stated blankly, "I am in fear of my life everyday because of your pistol." -.-.- "Hey uh..." Serena whispers, which is surprising because she usually yells, "Is that...?" "OH MY HOLY MOTHER-FUCKING GOODNESS IS THAT HIM!?" Beverly squeals. "Oh shit," Tae stares at him, "I think it is." The leader of North Korea is sitting two tables down from us, eating a triple cheeseburger. He looks up, noticing that we're watching him. He waves idly, but smiles malignantly. I sorta want his autograph - he's famous, right? I half get up, but Serena wrestles me back into my seat, all the while hissing obscenities. -.-.- "Guys, it says we're in Syria." "Great..." J-Hope mutters, rubbing his head. "Where's Syria again?" Beverly asks. "Dunno." -.-.- Then Emily shouts from the controls, "Oh my god look guys!" We all crane our necks to peer out where she's pointing, "Is that... oh my god guys, that's Trump. TARGET ACQUIRED, READY THE NUCLEAR MISSILE!!!"
The New Member (One Direction Fanfiction) by theartist14
22 parts Complete
Love and hate are oddly similar if you think about it... "I won't do it. I won't ruin their careers." I snapped harshly. "You don't have a choice, love." He returned with a bitter smile. "Besides, I am sure you will all get along fine." Right, like that was my biggest problem... Delia, an eighteen year old American, travels to Britain to visit a fangirlish friend, and is dragged to the most dreadful thing she could imagine: A One Direction concert. Once there, the worst happens, an occurence only fate could arrange, ending with something truly incredible as the result. One Direction's management want her immediately afterward, and force her to join the band, as the new member. The five guys dislike her interferring on their hardwork, and she despises the whole situation. It's true hate at first sight for the bandmembers and Delia, but they will have to make it work, because their entire future depends on the other. When Liam, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Harry, and Delia are forced together there is bound to be secrets, hate, drama, and surprising love.
Stockholm Syndrome//H.S by dorkaliciousdama13
22 parts Complete
As I leave, the cold British wind greets me. I zip up my sweater, and start walking home. Thanks to my parents, I don't have a car. "You're too irresponsible for a car, Courtney. You can always save up for one once you leave this house," my father had scoffed when I asked him. I walk at a fast pace, hoping to avoid any random strangers lurking in the dark streets. "Hey, darling. What are you doing all alone in the dark?" I hear a voice ask. I pick up his deep, British accent. I ignore him, and start jogging. Just a few more streets... I hear his swift feet, and he grabs me from behind, pressing a wet cloth on my face. He drags me behind a building. My muffled screams are the only noise in the silent night. I try to break from his strong, yet careful hold. I wiggle under his grip, but he only lets out a sigh. "Shhhhh...don't scream...everything will be alright...shhhh..." he whispers. I feel warm tears slide down my face, and my eyesight blurs, and I stop screaming and escaping. The last thing I see are the swaying trees. Then... DARKNESS... ✯✯✯✯✯ 19-year-old Courtney Thompson hates her life. From her annoying stepmother, to her overprotective father. The only thing that keeps her alive is her brother and reading. She's always wanted to die, but after being kidnapped, all she wants is to live. Her kidnapper is beyond amazing. From the good looks, to his niceness. But that's what he is...a kidnapper. A killer. A stalker. ✯Will she fall for him, even if he kidnapped her?✯ ✯Will she find out the countless secrets that he hides?✯ ✯Will she escape?✯ Will she fall victim to... STOCKHOLM SYNDROME? ✯✯✯✯ © DorkaliciousDama13 2016 Please don't copy. This book is original, and it comes from a place called "BRAIN". Plus...you'll be in BIG trouble if you copy my book. I don't own 1D. (❤I Wish❤...)
My Neighbors //1D by dorkaliciousdama13
35 parts Complete
I hear the same manly, British voice say, "Go away. I'm not interested in buying your Girl Scout cookies." I let out a nervous laugh. "Erm...I'm not selling cookies. I-" "Then what do you want?" the same voice says. Darn! That voice sounds so familiar. I clear my throat. "I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Diana, the neighbor next door. I-" "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you." he says. I growl. "Fine then...have a great day, Mr. Grumpy." I look down, slowly backing up. I forget about the steps, and fall. Everything goes dark. ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ 17-year-old Diana Nielson has always loved the famous boy band, One Direction. They took her out of depression when her jerk-of-a best friend, Blake Spencers, physically abused of her a few years ago. Problem is, he's been trying to get her to date him, forcefully, to the point where she's considering putting a restriction order on him. **** ✔What happens when the new neighbors that moved in right next door to Diana's house are not some common people? ✔What if they are...Louis Tomlison, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and Zayn Malik? ✔Will they protect Diana from her aggressive stalker? ✔Will they be able to help Diana get over her troublesome past? ✔Will Diana fall for any of them? Will any of the five fall in love with her, if not all? ..... (Yes, I will include Zayn...for a while...) I do not own 1D... ッッッ ©DorkaliciousDama13 2016 ©Licensed Directioner® █║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌║▌║ Verified Official by 1D
My Arrogant Boss by amena_niti
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" if i could trade both my kidneys to replace that monster with someone nice, i would gladly do so" jisoo screams "monster? well he is not that bad of a person.. plus he is sooooo freaking handsome *heart eyes*" rose replies " handsome? let me puke" jisoo jokes "pssssttt. sssshhhh" rose tries to say in a quiet voice "what ssshhh? have you seen his face? he looks like Thanos." jisoo continues as she tries to not laugh at her marvels reference "if i was iron man, i would've snapped the shiit out of him. one snap and puffff, Most eligible bachelor Miss Kim Taehyung gone.... ahh world peace" jisoo says as she turns around and freezes There he was. standing motionless, looking at jisoo with his usual cold gaze. jisoo knew she was lying when she said that he is not handsome. infact he is the most handsome person she has ever seen but always refused to accept "YOU" Taehyung points at jisoo "IN MY OFFICE" jisoo knew she messed up
No Fucks Given | H.S. COMPLETED✓ by FreakingDeadInside
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Cora Greer's life has been nothing but a major pain in the ass, so it shouldn't come as a surprise when she finally decides to put an end to her misery. But what happens when, in a sudden turn of events, she gets kidnapped by a gang leader, A.K.A. Harry Styles, right as she's about to jump? Well I guess it's safe to say that Cora will be giving no fucks what so ever as she makes his life a living Hell while trying to escape. Join Cora as she goes through heaven and hell as she slowly falls for him and regains her will to live! *WARNING* Mature content and mention of rape, sexual assault, abuse, etc. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- SNEAK PEAK! My heart thud painfully in my chest as Harry opened the big mahogany doors and threw me inside before stepping in himself and locking the door behind him. I quickly stood up and ran behind the desk, and he let me... which meant he was torturing me like this on purpose. He wanted to see me cower and run in fear. A wide grin spread across his lips that spread immense shivers down my spine. "Oh kitten, I haven't even shown you what I'm capable of yet." He hissed, pouncing on me. I let out a scream as I tried to run towards the door but he caught me spun me around. My back hit his desk as he towered over my tiny body. My eyes were wide and frightened. "GET OFF OF ME! STOP!!!" I shrieked. He thrust his hand between my thighs with a grin. "Harry!" I cried again desperately, struggling to hold in my tears. I will not break in front of this jerk! He pried my legs apart and got in between. I tried to struggle but he caught my wrists and slammed them above my head, pinning them. He was laughing at me, laughing at my fear. He was having the time of his fucking life.
My Liam Oppa ( JENLISA/JENLIAM AU) by Arcenciel_Iris
41 parts Complete Mature
A boy save a little girl who is about 6 or 7 years old, because its suddenly cross the road without looking if there is some track crossing the road just because she see some puppy.. "hey there little one are you okay?" the boy ask "En, oppa.. little jen² is ok" * while doing an ok sign* "aishh that's good, but little one why are you alone where is your parents?" the boy ask wile looking around. " amm i run off to my mother because i see a puppy crossing the road, what if it get squish by does big cars? " " aishh still you should not run off that way, its so dangerous little nini" " Little nini? " cute jennie ask " HAHAHAHAHHA why are you so cute? yes little nini from now on that's what imma called you" Suddenly someone shout fron afar while running. Then hug the the little girl. (?? ask) " where did you go? mommy is so worried and almost call a police aishh "hug little jennie tight. " amm aunt, little nini is okay it just she saw a puppy and suddenly run away and thanks god i grab her on time before the car can hurt her, btw aunt im ganna go I'm late for my game byeee see yeah when i see you" the boy said before running away. little jen² shout. " wait oppa what's your name?".. "just call me liam or lili little one byee" ' w-wait lili... can nini marry oppa when nini grow up mommy?" suddenly Mrs. kim cough by the sudden question by her daughter. She ignore it and carry her daughter home. from that day onward little jen² made an oat and promise to find her future husband and make him hers. (Completed ✔️) (Editing) »»»»»»»»»» hi guys this my first story, i apologize in advance about my English coz this is not my first language.
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Slide 1 of 10
Adopted by One Direction(Editing) cover
Kidnapped By Vampires?? (Louis Tomlinson Love Story) cover
NO Change /One Direction FF/ Completed/ cover
An Attack Helicopter Brought us Together cover
The New Member (One Direction Fanfiction) cover
Stockholm Syndrome//H.S cover
My Neighbors //1D cover
My Arrogant Boss cover
No Fucks Given | H.S. COMPLETED✓ cover
My Liam Oppa ( JENLISA/JENLIAM AU) cover

Adopted by One Direction(Editing)

32 parts Complete

This is not the same story that starts with a girl who's been abused or been in an orphanage for her entire life. No,this is the story of how a girl who had a happy life ended up on a big world of drama and fame. Samantha was a normal girl. She had a really bad past but lived with her adoptive mother,Lucy. She loved Lucy more than anyone in the whole entire world, and Lucy loved her as her own, but what she didn't know was that her mom was One Direction's body guard. That was until she invited them to spend the summer over their house. Samantha hated One Direction but through time, she learned to love them. One day her mom dies on a car crash and that's when she gets adopted by One Direction. What happens when there's secrets between all of them? Hertbreaking news? Fights? She never wanted too much drama in her life.......there's a secret that the boys are keeping from her. She saved them from doing the biggest mistake of their lifes which was- well you're gonna have to read to find out!

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