LOVE IN THE DARK

I have my family but I never felt that I am part of it. I felt that I don't belong and they never even bothered to ask me what I feel. They never care for me, they never love me, also. I was so lost until I became a person who was not me and when I was with someone I never show them my real feelings, but when the time comes and I'm already alone, there's nothing I would do but to cry and ask myself why am I feeling this? Why am I suffering like this, alone. It's never been easy for me, but suddenly I met a man who will let me feel the love I was longing for, the care that I was looking for and I felt it from him and he lightens my world and he helps mo to get up and to be a better version of me.

Bright lights, the beat of the music beneath my feet. Distant chatter, quite whispers. The feeling of joy, loss, heartbreak, and loneliness surround me. Buried in a crowd, drowning under the gazes of people who look through you. I am but of glass, a mirror if you will, willing to be seen through, but not seen. Screaming in a room full of people when no one can hear you, let alone see you. Hidden breaths, rising, falling. Isn't that funny, falling? Laughing would be easier than standing here in the crowded place, filled with people, faces, judging every moment the other makes. I could tell you the peace I get standing alone in a room filled with people who only see you as a mirror for who they don't want to be. I could cry tears of blood, and non would ever so much bat an eye in my direction, but I love it. The feeling of being unseen as to appose being seen for the matieral object I once was. Silent, unmoving, unwilling. I am but an idea, glass, shatterable, broken beyond compare. But strong, resistance flows through me. Willing me to be the best I can be, but can I? Who says I make sense, who says I am even me, am I? That's a question I spent years wondering. Who would I be without these scars that tether my skin, marking each even, like a calender. To mend the feelings people have isn't a easy thing, but to break is easy, always easy. How easy it is to forget, to run. I can feel the ground beneath my feet, feel the soil in-between the crooks of my toes, I could describe to you the smell of the rain. Pinpoint the center of the earth, but as I stand here, again amongst the crowd of people stand in this room. I am lost again, an idea, but for what purpose? If I could run, navigate my way through this crowd, I would seek refuge somewhere dark and cold, where I could take off this cloak and be one with who I am, or want to be.

.( only for 17+ ....mature language will be there...so read on your own risk...) This is My story so do not copy it... (\_/) ( °¢° ) .How could it be? When I look at you Faraway memories come back to life It's always like that When I look at you I see the lost memories from you Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember me It happens even when I try When I'm in front of you Memories I want to forget come back to life Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember me Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember me

Must break free.. can't do this anymore.. this torture must stop.. help me.. please.. But no one came.. no ever came to help me.. It's time I learn to help myself..

Sometimes I wish I knew what it felt like to be someone else, anyone other than me, really. It's not that I dislike who I am(I do sometimes), or even that I'm lost. It's more like... I'm curious. Curious about the weight of other people's thoughts. The texture of their fears. The shape of their joy. None of us walk the same path, even if the streets overlap. None of us carry the same sky, even when we stand under the same stars. I often wonder, can eyes that have seen different corners of the world ever truly see the same world? Two people, standing side by side, might witness the same event. But they won't feel the same chill in the air. They won't flinch at the same memories. They won't hear the silence in the same way. So maybe we don't live in one world at all. Maybe we live in billions. Each one stitched together by memory, perception, pain, and hope. But maybe we can get close. Maybe, with enough honesty and enough patience, we can build bridges. Quiet little bridges made of words and glances and shared stillness. Maybe we can stretch ourselves across the gap. And maybe, just maybe, if you're willing to meet me there... I can show you what it's like to be me. So come. Walk a little with me. Let me try to emulate this strange maze of thoughts, this ever-shifting fog I call a mind. Let me turn myself inside out for you, just for a moment. The name's Blank. And I welcome you to the world through my eyes, my imaginary audience, watchful, patient, and perhaps just as lost as I am. Together, we might not find all the answers. But maybe, if we're lucky, we'll find the right questions.

When did life become so hard...It's been ages since I had last smile, not since their deaths. I admit, if I hadn't gotten to know her or if she wasn't the one who approached me then maybe they'd still be alive and I would be just as it was before...happy. I could only wish, now all I want is to make the pain go away. The pain in my heart which seems never ending. Women, don't even cut it nowadays, drugs just only is good for that short amount of time. I need something permanent, not something that needed fixing. Is that what it comes to these days, something that needs to be fixed. But then again would I want to give all this up, women, booze, and drugs...only time will tell. Beg-March 14, 2019

memes and oneshots =). I will try to update regularly if I am not being drowned by the waves I call procrastination.

I'm broken beyond repair and yet... I still wish for someone to save the last pieces of me before I completely die away. I only have one wish... And that is for someone to see past the smiling facade... For someone to see through my bright smile... I want someone who will ask me even just for once... If I was alright... If I was okay... But no... Everyone sees no one else but the happy me. Even jealous of how much I was enjoying life... How mistaken they all are...

I remember when this all began. I was only 12, innocent and unscarred. In these last moments, my life flashes before my eyes. The horror begins again.

I was caught in a lie I never expected a happy life I have this power to be able to take over the human kind I have to control it to save others from this misery But how can do that if I was left and hurt I trusted at first but ended up broke How can I live... If the only thing to make me live is something I can't imagine happening to me..a person who was broken because of this damned thing called love?