The Idea Of Us
  • Reads 1,099
  • Votes 133
  • Parts 38
  • Time 3h 55m
  • Reads 1,099
  • Votes 133
  • Parts 38
  • Time 3h 55m
Ongoing, First published Mar 30, 2023
Mature
I'm afraid that people only ever like the idea of me
And once they get to know it they start to imagine who to better see.
They start seeing other people,
They go off to explore
They meet me but aren't satisfied
And then leave in the pursuit of more.
It's always happened
Like watching night turn to day
It's gotten almost too predictable 
I can quote what they're gonna say.
Something about how nice I am
The classic "You deserve better, it's true."
Something about "How lucky anyone would be to have somebody like you."
And I get this sudden feeling
A horrible nauseous deja vu
"I think we would be better off as friend."
That ones a classic, tried and true.
And for a second I hate myself
And for a second I dissect everything I could've done wrong
For a minute I replay their words like my new least favourite song.
Then I start to think about it
Anyone would be lucky
I love in uppercase and bold
I'm the type to offer a blanket if I see you suddenly got cold.
For a second I hate myself 
But I love the way that I cook
I start to think about it
I don't think I was made for flings.
I'm afraid that people only like the idea they have of me
Instead of trying to love the person
I've worked so hard to be.

*********

This is a story about love and fear, two contradictory feelings that have always been very near to me. We all have things we love, family, friends, lovers and similarly we all have fears, spiders, loss or even things that lurk in the dark.

I'm just like the rest of you, but instead of loving love, I fear it. It scares me in ways that no amount of darkness nor spiders ever could and yet I find myself giving into that fear...as I let it consume me fully
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Cherry Blossom Abyss

57 parts Ongoing

I wait for him to look at me. "The fuck you staring at me for,bitch??" He snarls. I lean in quickly,pressing my lips to his. He freezes,eyes widening. Then he suddenly shoved me away,hard. I lost my balance and fell back. "Ew,the fuck you putting your girl germs on me for? Just because we're childhood friends doesn't mean I prefer your sushi over cock." "You kissed me last time and didn't wipe your lips!" He shrugs,looking forward. "That was different." I shove him,angrily. "Kiss me!" He narrows his eyes,shoving me back. "The fuck you raising your voice at??" I get in his face. "The only motherfucker here,you stupid or some shit?" He stares at me for a long time. Then ..."don't do that." "Do what?" I ask. "the attitude thing. Stop it." He looks forward again and I smile,smugly. "Why,am I intimidating?" I grin. "Intimidating?" He looks at me,thumping his cigarette. "Honey,you could never intimidate me." "Then why should I stop?" He leans in my face. "because when you get an attitude like that,it makes me want to fuck the shit out of you." He brushes past me without another word. ×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•× Vivian finally got into the college of her dreams,with attempting to ignore its weird condition. in attempts to find herself,she also ends up finding herself in more than just a love triangle. she isn't quite aware of her feelings yet,or why she was such an outcast before she became an adult,but she's determined to find true love among the multiple love choices that cross her mind daily. also attempting to find her meaning in life and why she was born with certain powers not all possess. from sneaking into a male boarding house,disguised as a male to being seduced by her childhood male best friends as well as falling for complete assholes,ghosts and even realizing she might be bisexual. she's in quite the pickle.