Trastorno distérmico
  • Reads 6
  • Votes 1
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
  • Reads 6
  • Votes 1
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
Ongoing, First published Apr 12, 2023
¿De qué color es tu cielo hoy? 
Cuantos días 
Cuanto tiempo 
paso desde que comenzó la obsesión por medir, contar y planificar la vida?
queriendo ser lo que el mundo quiere ver y evitando ser lo lo único que existe , habido y por haber.. 
Solo soy yo ahora con mi laptop y mi mente vagabunda, con ideas que deslumbra desde lo mas interior de mi, intentando sobrevivir en una mente distérmica en un cuerpo de una depresiva persistente.
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Echo of the Past by KiyuMiyuu
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A few months ago, I bought a mug with gold gilt. On sale. Not a gift either nor because of an occasion to remember by it. Just plain, pretty mug for 15PLN. I drank my coffee from it since. I spat loose tea leaves into it. It never felt particularly significant. An ordinary object. Only when I lost it, I realised its true value. I sat comfortably at my desk one evening. Looking at my phone, I reached to take my song-text notebook. Trivial situation. My clumsy fingers were unable to avoid the mug. They allowed it to topple over, to slip from the desktop. Even though I did not see the split-second occurrence, I felt the pressure of unease. My head painted the trajectory of the fall on its own, the shattering, spillage. The loss. For a millisecond I still had hope, that I would be able to catch the mug, that I would be able to avoid what was about to happen. But I knew I was headed for failure. I don't have any superpowers. I only scalded my fingers. I looked at the mug's new shape for a long while, at the shattered pieces. At the spilling liquid. Our adventure came to an end. Irrevocably. I won't be drinking coffee from it anymore, nor spit tea leaves into it. Well. I shouldn't be sad, it was just a regular mug, just like thousands of others. I grew to like it, it kept me company throughout hundreds of warm drinks. I lost it. I hate this feeling the most. In the moment when I am losing something, I stop in my tracks, I hold my breath. It is always a very intense moment. A short one, but one that gives me the tight unpleasant feeling in my stomach. The feeling of loss is always accompanied by hope. Silly and naïve. Making me believe so strongly, that I can make it. That I will still be able to catch the mug mid-flight. When the feeling is entering the body, crawling into me I realise, how important it was to me. Whether it's Nivan or a stupid mug with gold gilt.
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"You know, my favorite color wasn't always red." Kirishima said to me while we sat outside on the fire escape. We were looking at the sunset. The sky was full of beautiful, bright reds and oranges. "What? Really? What was it? I asked out of curiosity, "It was actually silver at one point." "Silver? You don't seem like a silver kind of person." "Yeah. Silver. One day in middle school, I picked up something silver and tried to color with it. Every time I tried, it turned red. I eventually learned to love red more than anything in the world and wanted nothing more than to see it roll down my wrists." He said. It didn't take me long to realize what he was talking about. Cutting. ⚠️TRIGGERS⚠️ ⚠️Anxiety ⚠️Depression ⚠️Self Harm ⚠️Suicidal thoughts / tendencies / actions ⚠️ Death