What A Strange Thing We Are - Sean Browning - Wattpad

What A Strange Thing We Are

Reads 167
Votes 23
Parts 3
Time 47m

Reads 167
Votes 23
Parts 3
Time 47m

absurd action adventure dungeonsanddragons epic fantasy fiction fun funny goodvsevil humor magic misadventures monsters

In this "Hitchhiker's Guide" meets "Dungeons & Dragons" darkly comical fantasy...

Depressive 50 year-old struggling artist Hodge-Podge Heirloom gets drawn into one of her paintings and discovers a fantastical and ridiculous world of swords & sorcery, magic & mayhem, monsters & beasties, and popcorn & anthropomorphic pets. Despite her crippling fear of doors, she must get over her social anxieties, her clumsy low self-esteem, and work around her ADHD to somehow bring both good AND evil together as one army against an Ancient God that wants nothing more than to see the entire universe simply go away.

A new chapter (hopefully) released once a week(ish)!All Rights Reserved

absurd action adventure dungeonsanddragons epic fantasy fiction fun funny goodvsevil humor magic misadventures monsters

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The Dark Heir (SHORTLIST - Open Novella Contest 2019) by HM_Braverman

**Featured on DARK FANTASY and ADULT FICTION reading lists** WARNING: EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE. Once Upon A Time, Good Omens, Monty Python, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a fairytale. Gerald wasn't supposed to be stuck living seven centuries in the future. He definitely wasn't supposed to be "mentoring" The Dark Lord's progeny in the hopes that she would decide to save the world rather than destroy it. In fact, he wasn't even supposed to be named Gerald (the name of every other male in his family for three hundred years), because everyone assumed a weak-chinned, balding, forgettable man, who was just a magician, could never be who Geraldo The Foreshadower prophesied. But that's what assuming gets you, and here he was saddled with a fate he never asked for, in a time he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't want to like, and he was out of Firewine AGAIN! The Dark Heir is a darkly satirical tale of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses, where the road to hell is actually a themed water-park slide covered in slightly less urine than a real one. It drops literary and film references faster than an NYC socialite drops names, and promises endless laughs - including, but not limited to, sad chuckles, guffaws, uncontrollable giggles at inappropriate moments, brays, barks, cackles, snorts, cachinnations, and the occasional howl (though that may be the Welsh Werewolves showing up unannounced). Consider yourself warned... Reviews: "Completely and adorably bonkers," says @floranocturna "Hilarious in every way. Even when I cringed, I laughed," says @LadySapphire2018 Winner of The Trident Awards

Unshackling the King (The Dragon Lorde #1) by CblaRae00

"Yes, I am!!!" Kaede leans down to her ear his hot breath tickling her cheek in a tantalizing way, as swooping butterflies made way to her stomach. "I see. But that doesn't change the fact that you're a idiotic female, who will only serve as a distraction." The fluttering butterflies froze in her stomach and spiraled into icy icicles, as fury wraped tightly around her mind. "Indeed, I am a girl. But I'm also an idiotic girl who will follow you anyway. Even if her insufferable bodyguard says no." Emoriah, whispers threateningly. Kaede's dark penetrating gaze burns Emoriah to her core, as he peers down on her frame with a hardened expression upon his face. "You're playing a losing game Emoriah. But very well come. It seems I have no other choice." Emoriah smiles behind her hand before lifting her eyes to meet his stormy gaze. "No, you really don't." .. Emoriah isn't just an average 15-year-old girl. She grew up bullied without a fatherly figure. But what made her different was the day she burned her school down. That's when the numerous secrets spilled their way from her mother's lips. Emoriah learned she wasn't as human as she thought. That her father never left them but went missing. But most importantly he was a king. A king of another world. A world of dragons, creatures, and demons from hell. With her feminist views and fiery spirit she'll let no man stand in her way. But could one icy mask of a boy change her mind? Well, that's for you to find out. #11 comedy 7/19/19 #1 Featured 7/13/19 #6 Feminism 6/19/19 #9 fantasy 6/28/19 #9 1800s 7/9/19 #10 Adventure 6/27/19 #3 Elves!! 4/30/19 #9 Fae 4/29/19 #25 action 6/27/19 Also!! I was never able to find the photographer of this picture. So pls dm me if you know:)

Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} by kkolmakov

Viola the Underdarkling is travelling back to the duchy of Fleck at a request of the head of a large clan of Orcs and Half-Orcs, who also happens to be the grandmother of Viola's former betrothed. On the way Viola runs into Will, Rhys' cousin, and Will's partner, Fiona. Together they travel to Fleck, joined by Rhys mid-way. Will the old feelings resurface while Viola and Rhys fight giant slugs with hallucinogenic slime and save an impaired winged prince - or will the old wounds of the War prevent them from giving their love another chance? In a far, far away land of Nottoofar... ~ a former berserker knight meets a spacy druid... {Book 1: Leaf & Paw} ~COMPLETE! ~ a necromancer rogue is determined to resist her feelings for her former paramour, despite his delicious Half-Orc physique... {Book 2: Dagger & Fist} ~COMPLETE! ~ a teacher of defence magic can't believe what has become of her former Buggbear pupil - and how hard it seems to convince herself to refuse his advances... {Book 3: Ring & Shield} ~COMING SOON! ~ a duke is stuck in a cave with a dragonkeeper who is harbouring a secret... {Series Prequel: Venom & Sword} ~COMING SOON! ~ a merperson needs the assistance of a kicka*** sea captain who isn't going to fall for the tailed man under any circumstances... {Book 4: Cutlass & Song} ~Final story in the series! COMING SOON! ...and the rest of my recurring characters show up in this fantasy tale - but this time they wield magic, throw daggers, have tails and horns; and Rhys has got green skin. You really don't have to read my other stories to understand what's going on here. But if you're familiar with their modern version, I hope these frolicsome AUs elicit a chuckle and an 'awww,' or two.

Little Red ✔ by whoscountinganyway

THE DARK FAIRY TALE SERIES 1 This book is what happens when you merge dark humor, the greater good, sin and fairy tale characters into one hell of a story. *** Everything you know about fairytales is a lie. The stories aren't true. Little Red Riding-Hood didn't get devoured, the wolf didn't eat the old lady or trick them. They forgot to mention during bedtime tales that Little Red is a beast. That her cloak is a death omen or protection and you don't get to choose which one falls on you. Oh but the wolf? He would love to ravage her skin, his desire not suitable for your childhood fairytale. Little Red is about to go on a mission along with the big bad wolf and their elect team of killer magical dumbasses to kill the Wicked Queen. There's no silver lining in this fairy tale. Because things are about to get bloody. *** "Do they actually call you Little Red," Hand around her throat, the wolf sneers at her so close that she can feel warm breath on her neck. "Do they actually call you a Big Bad Wolf?" Came Little Red's reply. "Medium and Cocky Wolf is more realistic." A growl sounds out, "Watch your mouth." A twisted smile plays on her lips, "Whatever for Wolf?" "Well Red," Leaning down over her indeed little frame the wolf speaks against her skin. "If you keep antagonizing me I may have to take a bite."

A Sweet Magic by LottieJacobs

Part One💫 Cathy's summer takes an unexpected turn when she's sent to her nan's creepy old house, Topsy Turvey House. What starts as a boring holiday quickly spirals into a magical adventure when Cathy discovers a mysterious mirror that pulls her into a world of sorcery and danger. Trapped in Rune Hall by the wicked sorcerer Hex, Cathy must navigate a realm filled with enchanted creatures, dark magic, and hidden secrets. With the help of a talking cat named Tibbles and her own wits, Cathy embarks on a quest to uncover the truth about her family's past and find a way back home. But as she delves deeper into the mysteries of Rune Hall, Cathy realises that her journey is about more than just escaping- it's about discovering her own strength and the magic within. Part Two💫 In the enchanting sequel to "A Sweet Magic" Hex, the sorcerer, finds himself on a perilous journey to rescue his beloved Rose from the clutches of the devious Prince Horace and the wicked witch Agnes. With the help of an unlikely ally, Chester the toad, Hex must navigate through treacherous forests, outsmart cunning goblins, and confront his inner demons. Meanwhile, Cathy and her brother Jake are thrust into the heart of the fairy realm, where they must rely on their wits and courage to survive. As secrets unravel and alliances are tested, the siblings discover that magic is not just about spells and potions, but about the strength of the heart and the power of love. Will Hex succeed in his quest, and can Cathy and Jake find their way back home? Dive into a world of mystery, adventure, and magic in "A Sweet Magic - Part Two."

No Sweeter Sin [Femdom 18+] by AlexaLaMenthe

WARNING: For adults only. You will need to follow me to read some of these chapters! Ruby, a senior in high school is ruthlessly bullied and sexually harassed. She is trying desperately to survive her last year and views her graduation as an escape. Summoning demons is so easy, you could do it in your sleep. --There should be a warning label on that book! Ruby seems to be a natural at this magic mumbo-jumbo. When she unwittingly summons a demon and can't find a way to send him back, she's convinced that her life is ruined and her soul is damned for good. With the help of a Mystic, an Angel, and a Demon, who needs bullies? KINK: Femdom and all the things that encompasses. If you cannot handle subversive ideology, kindly GTFO. If you enjoyed this story, please support me at my Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/AlexaLaMenthe

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The Archivist's All-knowing Almanac by JanGoesWriting

There's nothing more dangerous than a book, especially in the wrong hands. And, in this world of magic, wars and an alarming number of self-serving, gratuitously selfish people, there are a lot of wrong hands to take advantage. When the world's foremost mage, Anpound Pudbatter (fresh from a magical accident that had turned him back into a teenager with all the associated raging hormones) meets Gammer Goodhiding, the world's most polite, yet indefinably terrifying witch, and Bindi, a Druid who almost has a filthy mouth, they come together to search for an object that could very well spell the end of the world as they know it. Or change it in ways they cannot imagine. From the intermittently high Mount Pintel, to the vast, unending Library, to the indeterminately located city of Lost Vagueness, where hope, and Coin, go to wallow in despair, to the world's most important, prominent, and tiniest city, the three of them must follow the magical chaos wrought by the presence of the book. And with warlords bent on conquest, thieves out for a quick score and a djinn with a mischievous attention to detail in the way, things may not go quite according to plan. And what, exactly, is the origin of the book? Only The Archivist's All-knowing Almanac knows for sure. A love-letter to the works of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. [Cover created in Canva, using an AI generated image and text from Logokit]

MAGE CHRONICLES: THE BEGINNING by GW_Merak1

Mahina thought her world was falling apart when she was kicked off the dance team, but that was just the beginning. Soon, she's pulled into a whirlwind of magic, danger, and a legacy she never wanted. Between navigating treacherous situations, discovering hidden powers, and facing enemies who want her gone, Mahina must learn fast-or lose everything. As betrayal lurks around every corner and romance ignites in the unlikeliest of places or people, Mahina's fate will be decided by choices she never thought she'd have to make. Will she rise to the challenge, or will this new world devour her whole? Dive into *Mage Chronicles: The Beginning* Book 1 in the Mage Chronicles Trilogy, and embark on a pulse-pounding journey filled with magic, intrigue, and heart-pounding action. Perfect for fans of epic fantasy with a modern twist.

A Young Wizard's Journey - Goblet of Fire by ArcanicScrolls

And so, with our last tale coming to a close your relationship is blooming, friendships are on the mend and your timetable is back to a manageable affair. Sure, some things didn't go to plan... okay, a lot of things didn't go to plan but that's part of the process now. You're trained, you're ready. And just in time Within the depths of the darkness lurk a new group. One that hasn't made it's presence known in the wizarding world for decades, and it's after your head this time. Not the boy who lived. You're several years ahead of your peers and your training from Remus has made you one of the most dangerous wizards of your year. Able to keep up with some fully grown. But will it be enough? Our fourth tale brings on some of Y/N's deadliest challenges. The Triwizard Tournament, The Quidditch World Cup and, Lord Voldemort's elite guard

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Slide 1 of 10

The Dark Heir (SHORTLIST - Open Novella Contest 2019) cover

Unshackling the King (The Dragon Lorde #1) cover

Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} cover

Little Red ✔ cover

A Sweet Magic cover

No Sweeter Sin [Femdom 18+] cover

Entertaining Short Stories cover

The Archivist's All-knowing Almanac cover

MAGE CHRONICLES: THE BEGINNING cover

A Young Wizard's Journey - Goblet of Fire cover

The Dark Heir (SHORTLIST - Open Novella Contest 2019)

Featured on DARK FANTASY and ADULT FICTION reading lists WARNING: EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE. Once Upon A Time, Good Omens, Monty Python, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a fairytale. Gerald wasn't supposed to be stuck living seven centuries in the future. He definitely wasn't supposed to be "mentoring" The Dark Lord's progeny in the hopes that she would decide to save the world rather than destroy it. In fact, he wasn't even supposed to be named Gerald (the name of every other male in his family for three hundred years), because everyone assumed a weak-chinned, balding, forgettable man, who was just a magician, could never be who Geraldo The Foreshadower prophesied. But that's what assuming gets you, and here he was saddled with a fate he never asked for, in a time he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't want to like, and he was out of Firewine AGAIN! The Dark Heir is a darkly satirical tale of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses, where the road to hell is actually a themed water-park slide covered in slightly less urine than a real one. It drops literary and film references faster than an NYC socialite drops names, and promises endless laughs - including, but not limited to, sad chuckles, guffaws, uncontrollable giggles at inappropriate moments, brays, barks, cackles, snorts, cachinnations, and the occasional howl (though that may be the Welsh Werewolves showing up unannounced). Consider yourself warned... Reviews: "Completely and adorably bonkers," says @floranocturna "Hilarious in every way. Even when I cringed, I laughed," says @LadySapphire2018 Winner of The Trident Awards