guilt is not a word in my book

i loved him. once upon a time i did. such a sweet boy. loving, caring and smart. little did i know, he'd broken my heart. it hurt. a lot it did. it caused me damage, knowing i'd never love again. how could he leave me? throw me away? i trusted him. loved him. cared about him. and he left me. like that. was it me? something i did? no. it cant be. i was perfect. HE was the one who left. ran away. cowardly. i can be without him. he doesn't deserve me. no. not at all. i have to do something. something.. bitter. something he deserves. is this right? no. should he have had this tragic "accident" happen? maybe. maybe not. perhaps if he never did it, this wouldn't have happened. It's HIS fault. not mine. i did nothing. i simply returned the favor. would anybody find out? no. never. how could they? i'd covered everything. alibis. witnesses. bodies...? nonsense. ridicule. i'm not a beginner. nothing that hasn't happened before. but now that i'm here. alone. was it right? was it worth it? stop stop stop get out of my head. it was fine. it was worth it. he deserved it. maybe she did too. maybe not. but will this haunt me? for a little. for a long time. for eternity? will i die knowing what i've done? no. i wont. it was a good deed to society. it was a FAVOR. they don't have to deal with him anymore. it's done. it really is. i finished it. ME. i loved him. once upon a time i did. now he's dead. is it because of me?