Not me. (2023)
- LECTURAS 2,115
- Votos 125
- Partes 91
so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here.
This is for you.
For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides.
For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly.
For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning.
For everyone who never could find the words to say why.
For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much.
For everyone who had to pick themselves back up.
For everyone who had to parent themselves.
For everyone fighting an invisible battle.
For everyone who has been underestimated.
For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope.
For everyone who found other means to silence their voices.
For everyone who was silenced.
For everyone who was over powered.
For everyone who was made to be less.
For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent.
For everyone asking themselves, why?
Why would you do this?
What did I do?
Why is this happening to me?
It was never your fault.
Todos los derechos reservados
#19
disassociation
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It hurts....the emptiness [reborn as Rebekah Mikealson]
You know....when you first hear that fast beating heartbeat.... everything else melts away, the stress of finding out you're pregnant at 16, your boyfriend ghosting you after you showed him the test, your parents abandoning you when you need them most.....it all goes away and you finally found what you been looking for all along....unconditional love and that's exactly what I felt towards you my love...my sun flower...my baby......God gave me 2 years to be your mother and now the memories hurt......love I am so sorry mommies coming. Dani Winters was on her way home from her friends house, listening to her son talk random things when suddenly a car came out of nowhere and rammed the side of her car, she slowly opened her eyes only to groan out a gasp and tried to turn to check on Tommy.....only to let out an agonizing scream after and lost consciousness. The doctors tried to save her, she came back a few times but she didn't want to....she didn't want to live in a world without her son....they fought to bring her back....well she fought to stay dead, so what happens when the next time she wakes she's in a coffin wearing a 20s dress and having the most hungry inducing thirst.....and her only thought 'It hurts.' Warning this will have discussions about suicidal thoughts/actions, death of a child, depression, blood, gore, murder, etc⚠️⚠️⚠️
Built for the Storm: A Journey Through a Mind That Won't Sit Still
Sometimes, I feel like I was designed not to live - but just to survive. My brain doesn't crave joy, meaning, or legacy - it just tries to prevent crisis. It calculates food, money, safety. It panics. It runs. It hides. And somehow... it keeps missing life. I've spent years trying to understand why my mind behaves this way. Why it imagines catastrophes while standing still. Why it avoids the simplest task. Why it overthinks even brushing teeth, but can ride a cycle for 100 km in the rain without blinking. One day, when I was still, completely still... with no task to distract me... this strange feeling overtook me. The thought that maybe - just maybe - I am not supposed to design my own purpose. I looked up. And I said, silently: "God... if You made me this way... if You crafted this restless, impulsive, chaos-driven machine of a brain... then You must know where I fit. Use me. Don't let me rot in guilt and survival. Don't let me just float. You know this universe in ways I never can. You know every corner of it. So You must know the one place where this exact wiring of mine can become meaningful." This wasn't surrender from pain. It was surrender from trying to control something I've clearly never understood. I don't need peace. I don't need success. I need to be used. Fully. For something only this kind of life, this kind of mind, could contribute. If I am a tool, let me build something. If I am a flame, let me burn where light is needed. But don't keep me in the dark asking, "Why me?" Maybe I wasn't built to ask. I was built to be assigned.Concluida
Logan
*TW* Contains topics and scenes of sexual assault, self-harm, abuse.* "You know you loved every second of it," I can feel the tears welling up as well as the anger building up within me. I stare at him for a while before I have to turn away from his hungry gaze. "Look I just came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you did back in Cali and I'll take you back," "You forgive me?" I yell. "I did nothing to you. You raped me! You fucking raped me! You have no right to come here and tell me that. You. Forgive. Me. You traumatized me. What you did to me tore me up inside and was eating away at me until I tried to kill myself. And when I told people they didn't believe me. I had to listen to so many people talk about how great a guy you were and how I clearly just regretted sleeping with you. You are a monster. You made me hate myself for something that was never my fault. You have caused me so much pain and suffering," I pause to take a deep breath. "So you don't get to come here to my school and tell me you forgive me. You don't get to make me feel bad about coming forward. The only thing I regret is ever thinking you were a good person." _____________________________________________ Logan Young is a 16-year-old girl about to start her senior year in a brand new town. The past year has been tough and her family moved to give her a fresh start. Her life before the move had been hard and she had been spiraling. She quickly makes new friends and even enemies. She builds up walls to protect herself. But what happens when an unlikely person helps her to tear down her walls and heal. Will she be able to survive in this new place and keep her secrets intact?Concluida
Enchanted Love: The PAST-The PRESENT
~TOUCH HER AND SHE'LL KILL YOU~ They say the worst pain is losing someone. They're wrong. The real pain is knowing everything - every lie in a smile, every betrayal wrapped in love, every truth people try to bury. I see it all. I understand everyone... except myself. People look at me and see elegance, confidence, sharp intelligence. What they don't see is the silence I live in - a silence so loud it drowns my heartbeat. I used to think someone might come for me one day. Someone who wouldn't fear my mind or my power. Someone who would stay. But that kind of hope died when my parents did. Now I exist for one thing - revenge. No love. No attachments. No weakness. I don't need anyone. At least, that's the story I tell myself. - RAVEN ~~~ People fear heartbreak, betrayal, death. But you know what I fear? A life with no direction - drifting in an endless sea where strength means nothing. Everyone believes I'm the strongest man alive. The truth? Even mountains crumble if they stand alone too long. I've won wars, built empires, crushed enemies. But none of it fills the emptiness gnawing inside me. I move. I breathe. I survive. But I don't live. Some nights, I think what I really need isn't power... but a reason. A gravity strong enough to pull me out of the ocean I'm sinking in. A person who sees me - not the monster the world bows to. Until then, I drift. Silent, controlled, starving for something I'll never admit I want. - ARES
The Best Kept Secret!
They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?Concluida
Evolution
There are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have been more wrong. Love in this day and age is often confused for manipulation and abuse. The warning signs are here. The things we say will tell us everything that is wrong. You are worth more than what you think you are. It's not your fault. If they tell you otherwise, get out. Burn the bridge. Always remember someone is waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone needs you. Someone loves you. Getting away from all of the wrong people and finding the right ones could save you. I can promise you right now that it saved me. These are the journal entries and selected poems from my first experience of love that left a unpleasant taste in my mouth- quite literally. I am putting this out for the whole world to see because I hope everyone will learn from my experience. People can see. We have no excuses to continue living our lives in ignorance. ...WARNING... HARMFUL THEMES INCLUDING MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND RAPE. THIS HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. RECOVERY AND AWARENESS IS THE PURPOSE OF SHARING. DO NOT READ IF THESE THEMES ARE OFFENSIVE OR HARMFUL TO YOU.Concluida
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionConcluida
Falling Apart
*TRIGGER WARNING: DEALS WITH DEPRESSION, SELF HARM AND SUICIDE* Amber is sixteen years old and to sugarcoat it... She hasn't had the best upbringing. She would love a different life, one where she can see her mother again and not be stuck with her abusive father. A life where she doesn't get taunted and hit and torn apart by everyone who she has ever seen. But she would never swap, she doesn't want anyone to endure the pain she's gone through. So instead, she tries to get rid of it... Again. But much to her disbelief, she is saved by the people she would least expect. She learns secrets about them that no one else knows. She feels included. Cared for. And dare I say it... She felt loved. For once in her life, she felt truly happy to be alive. But just when Amber felt safe, her life was flipped upside down and her past came back to haunt her just when she least expected it... (Sorry, I suck at descriptions, don't let it put you off) Ranking: #64 in Awareness #15 in Mental Health Awareness #73 in saddnessConcluida
You know....when you first hear that fast beating heartbeat.... everything else melts away, the stress of finding out you're pregnant at 16, your boyfriend ghosting you after you showed him the test, your parents abandoning you when you need them most.....it all goes away and you finally found what you been looking for all along....unconditional love and that's exactly what I felt towards you my love...my sun flower...my baby......God gave me 2 years to be your mother and now the memories hurt......love I am so sorry mommies coming. Dani Winters was on her way home from her friends house, listening to her son talk random things when suddenly a car came out of nowhere and rammed the side of her car, she slowly opened her eyes only to groan out a gasp and tried to turn to check on Tommy.....only to let out an agonizing scream after and lost consciousness. The doctors tried to save her, she came back a few times but she didn't want to....she didn't want to live in a world without her son....they fought to bring her back....well she fought to stay dead, so what happens when the next time she wakes she's in a coffin wearing a 20s dress and having the most hungry inducing thirst.....and her only thought 'It hurts.' Warning this will have discussions about suicidal thoughts/actions, death of a child, depression, blood, gore, murder, etc⚠️⚠️⚠️
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