Not me. (2023)
- Membaca 2,071
- Vote 125
- Bab 91
Lengkap Sen, Des 18, 20231h 13m
so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here.
This is for you.
For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides.
For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly.
For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning.
For everyone who never could find the words to say why.
For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much.
For everyone who had to pick themselves back up.
For everyone who had to parent themselves.
For everyone fighting an invisible battle.
For everyone who has been underestimated.
For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope.
For everyone who found other means to silence their voices.
For everyone who was silenced.
For everyone who was over powered.
For everyone who was made to be less.
For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent.
For everyone asking themselves, why?
Why would you do this?
What did I do?
Why is this happening to me?
It was never your fault.
Seluruh Hak Cipta Dilindungi Undang-Undang
#727
darkthoughts
Bergabunglah dengan komunitas bercerita terbesarDapatkan rekomendasi cerita yang dipersonalisasi, simpan cerita favoritmu ke perpustakaan, dan berikan komentar serta vote untuk membangun komunitasmu.
anda mungkin juga menyukai
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionLengkap
I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy
CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014Lengkap
Enchanted Love: The PAST-The PRESENT
~TOUCH HER AND SHE'LL KILL YOU~ They say the worst pain is losing someone. They're wrong. The real pain is knowing everything - every lie in a smile, every betrayal wrapped in love, every truth people try to bury. I see it all. I understand everyone... except myself. People look at me and see elegance, confidence, sharp intelligence. What they don't see is the silence I live in - a silence so loud it drowns my heartbeat. I used to think someone might come for me one day. Someone who wouldn't fear my mind or my power. Someone who would stay. But that kind of hope died when my parents did. Now I exist for one thing - revenge. No love. No attachments. No weakness. I don't need anyone. At least, that's the story I tell myself. - RAVEN ~~~ People fear heartbreak, betrayal, death. But you know what I fear? A life with no direction - drifting in an endless sea where strength means nothing. Everyone believes I'm the strongest man alive. The truth? Even mountains crumble if they stand alone too long. I've won wars, built empires, crushed enemies. But none of it fills the emptiness gnawing inside me. I move. I breathe. I survive. But I don't live. Some nights, I think what I really need isn't power... but a reason. A gravity strong enough to pull me out of the ocean I'm sinking in. A person who sees me - not the monster the world bows to. Until then, I drift. Silent, controlled, starving for something I'll never admit I want. - ARES
INNER DEMONS
They say life is full of surprises - but they never said some of them would break you beyond recognition. I wake up every day carrying a weight no one else can see. I laugh. I smile. I play the part. But deep inside, I'm unraveling - quietly, painfully. No one notices the war behind my eyes. The kind of pain that doesn't scream, it lingers - slow, quiet, deadly. I've forgotten what peace feels like. I only know how to survive... not live. "I'm okay." It's the lie I tell, because it's easier than explaining the emptiness. My inner demons whisper that I'm not enough. That I'll never be. And sometimes... I believe them. Sometimes, I feel like I'm already gone. But even in the darkness - even when I'm on the edge - there's still a voice, quiet and trembling, that says: "Hold on." This is a story for those who suffer in silence. For the ones fighting battles no one can see. For the broken, the tired, the ones still breathing - even when it hurts. You're not alone. And maybe... that's where hope begins.
The Best Kept Secret!
They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?Lengkap
Built for the Storm: A Journey Through a Mind That Won't Sit Still
Sometimes, I feel like I was designed not to live - but just to survive. My brain doesn't crave joy, meaning, or legacy - it just tries to prevent crisis. It calculates food, money, safety. It panics. It runs. It hides. And somehow... it keeps missing life. I've spent years trying to understand why my mind behaves this way. Why it imagines catastrophes while standing still. Why it avoids the simplest task. Why it overthinks even brushing teeth, but can ride a cycle for 100 km in the rain without blinking. One day, when I was still, completely still... with no task to distract me... this strange feeling overtook me. The thought that maybe - just maybe - I am not supposed to design my own purpose. I looked up. And I said, silently: "God... if You made me this way... if You crafted this restless, impulsive, chaos-driven machine of a brain... then You must know where I fit. Use me. Don't let me rot in guilt and survival. Don't let me just float. You know this universe in ways I never can. You know every corner of it. So You must know the one place where this exact wiring of mine can become meaningful." This wasn't surrender from pain. It was surrender from trying to control something I've clearly never understood. I don't need peace. I don't need success. I need to be used. Fully. For something only this kind of life, this kind of mind, could contribute. If I am a tool, let me build something. If I am a flame, let me burn where light is needed. But don't keep me in the dark asking, "Why me?" Maybe I wasn't built to ask. I was built to be assigned.Lengkap![It hurts....the emptiness [reborn as Rebekah Mikealson]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/386743543-256-k568992.jpg)
It hurts....the emptiness [reborn as Rebekah Mikealson]
You know....when you first hear that fast beating heartbeat.... everything else melts away, the stress of finding out you're pregnant at 16, your boyfriend ghosting you after you showed him the test, your parents abandoning you when you need them most.....it all goes away and you finally found what you been looking for all along....unconditional love and that's exactly what I felt towards you my love...my sun flower...my baby......God gave me 2 years to be your mother and now the memories hurt......love I am so sorry mommies coming. Dani Winters was on her way home from her friends house, listening to her son talk random things when suddenly a car came out of nowhere and rammed the side of her car, she slowly opened her eyes only to groan out a gasp and tried to turn to check on Tommy.....only to let out an agonizing scream after and lost consciousness. The doctors tried to save her, she came back a few times but she didn't want to....she didn't want to live in a world without her son....they fought to bring her back....well she fought to stay dead, so what happens when the next time she wakes she's in a coffin wearing a 20s dress and having the most hungry inducing thirst.....and her only thought 'It hurts.' Warning this will have discussions about suicidal thoughts/actions, death of a child, depression, blood, gore, murder, etc⚠️⚠️⚠️
A Garden of Dead Things
This book is my life laid bare - a story of pain, loneliness, and mental chaos that most people don't see. It's about the slow, unbearable unravelling of a mind caught in the grips of depression, anxiety, trauma, and heartbreak. There's no sugarcoating here. No fairy tales or hopeful endings. This is a glimpse into what it feels like to be completely lost inside yourself, where every day is a battle to hold on, even when you don't know what you're holding onto anymore. I write about the nights filled with overwhelming silence that screams louder than any words. About the weight of memories and pain so heavy it crushes the light out of your life. This story doesn't shy away from the darkest parts: the thoughts that haunt you, the self-hate that grows quietly, the invisible scars left by emotional abuse and trauma. It's about fighting to survive when it feels like there's nothing left inside you but broken pieces. But more than that, it's about the truth of living with a mind that doesn't always want to be healed, a heart that keeps breaking even when you try to protect it, and a soul that longs for peace but only finds pain. I'm not telling this story for sympathy or comfort. I'm telling it because this is real. Because sometimes, the only way to breathe is to say out loud what hurts the most. If you're tired of pretending everything's okay, if you've ever felt like no one truly understands the storm inside your head, then this book is for you. It's not easy to read - but it's real, and it's mine. Welcome to my garden of dead things.
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression
Detail lengkapPanduan Muatan