Internal Conflict: PARASITE

I think I loved them all in my own twisted way. I loved when they laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. I loved that it was me who caused it. I loved the fact that they were all broken and so fucking sad and that I could change it. But I just loved breaking them so much more. I liked that I could be there rock but I loved that I could be there downfall. Their last reason to let go. Part of me justified it by saying that the world would have just kept hurting them but I always knew it was bullshit. The world might have hurt them but it was me who killed them. I loved doing it. I knew it was wrong but that was why I did it. It was... euphoric. It made me feel strong. She was right, it made me feel like... a God.

....
I can hardly look at myself sometimes. This being one of the times, but I force myself to anyway. I used to look into the mirror and see an innocent young boy who had great potential. I didn't think the potential I held would be for great destruction. Now I look at myself and I see a monster hiding behind a bright smile. A smile that only pretends to be bright to distract from a pair of sadistic eyes because they say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if that's true I wonder how, because I have two of them and every time I look into them deeply, searching for one, I find nothing but pain. A kind of pain that seems to spread throughout me and into everyone around me, drowning us all from the inside out until we burst. It's only a matter of time before it's my turn.