Disconsolate || Z.M

If you would have told me years ago that I'd be the girl alone in her room crying herself to sleep each night with major depression, I'd laugh in your face. Because I havent always been like this. At least I don't think I have.

I may not have had a mom and dad for a time but I never had felt like I do now. I never felt empty or alone, never wanted to kill myself. As a matter of fact I had feared death.

However I think it might have been the aging part that got to me. I didn't like that when you get older, you get freedom and life but suddenly you have to take care of your body and cant eat pizza everyday.

Now though, I just dont see the point. I don't see why I would go through a life of hell to get into hell. Why not just die now?

There really isn't a point to stressing in life but somehow I found myself stressing over things that weren't even worth stress.

I guess I felt overwhelmed and I had no way to escape my thoughts, which really revolved around stress and death by then.

The start of the depression is hard to pinpoint. Because the dot moves in my timeline. It can't stay in one place for too long.

And in all honesty I think if it did stay put, it'd be easier to recover.