Reaching For You - BBC Dodger
  • Reads 308
  • Votes 9
  • Parts 6
  • Time 44m
  • Reads 308
  • Votes 9
  • Parts 6
  • Time 44m
Ongoing, First published Jun 08, 2023
Male reader x Dodger 
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When intense recollections of a traumatic event interrupt the present, flashbacks occur.

They could make you feel cut off from your immediate environment. Even though the horrific event happened a while ago, you could feel as though you are back there again, going through it all over again.

It can take some time for sexual assault, abuse, and other traumatising events to cause flashbacks. Even if you believe you have effectively recovered from the pain it gave you, this could still occur months or even years later.

After having your first flashback, the persistent fear of going through the trauma again could start to creep into your regular life.

The majority of flashbacks consist of pictures from the distressing incident. These visuals can cause you to feel strong emotions as well as physical side effects including trembling, dizziness, and an accelerated heartbeat.

While some flashbacks may contain vivid pictures, others may only contain some of the feelings you felt at the time.

But for Arthur, this trauma was different. Travelling across the country on your own does that to you; the isolation and the promise of a better life are the only things dragging you along.

If only you knew what was really in store. . .
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A few months ago, I bought a mug with gold gilt. On sale. Not a gift either nor because of an occasion to remember by it. Just plain, pretty mug for 15PLN. I drank my coffee from it since. I spat loose tea leaves into it. It never felt particularly significant. An ordinary object. Only when I lost it, I realised its true value. I sat comfortably at my desk one evening. Looking at my phone, I reached to take my song-text notebook. Trivial situation. My clumsy fingers were unable to avoid the mug. They allowed it to topple over, to slip from the desktop. Even though I did not see the split-second occurrence, I felt the pressure of unease. My head painted the trajectory of the fall on its own, the shattering, spillage. The loss. For a millisecond I still had hope, that I would be able to catch the mug, that I would be able to avoid what was about to happen. But I knew I was headed for failure. I don't have any superpowers. I only scalded my fingers. I looked at the mug's new shape for a long while, at the shattered pieces. At the spilling liquid. Our adventure came to an end. Irrevocably. I won't be drinking coffee from it anymore, nor spit tea leaves into it. Well. I shouldn't be sad, it was just a regular mug, just like thousands of others. I grew to like it, it kept me company throughout hundreds of warm drinks. I lost it. I hate this feeling the most. In the moment when I am losing something, I stop in my tracks, I hold my breath. It is always a very intense moment. A short one, but one that gives me the tight unpleasant feeling in my stomach. The feeling of loss is always accompanied by hope. Silly and naïve. Making me believe so strongly, that I can make it. That I will still be able to catch the mug mid-flight. When the feeling is entering the body, crawling into me I realise, how important it was to me. Whether it's Nivan or a stupid mug with gold gilt.
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