Alcoholica

I'm a blue outcast from China and one day I got tired of being bullied so I snapped and my bully ended up going to the hospital until one day I ran away to Beijing where I was kidnapped by a green guy and rapper girl, I didn't know what they were saying cause I was dumb. I had enough of all this cave rubbish but the guy strapped me to a chair... I was in Russia! I left the kidnap place and saw a guy with vodka, a gun and a weird hat, I smashed his vodka, in anger, I found out it was teenage putin! I ran away and hitch hiked and some super nice guys tied me up and I ended up in an interrogation room. apparently smashing other people's vodka was illegal and they also though I was an immigrant and they didn't understand that I was kidnapped and said I was delulu so they locked me up with a five year sentence in a soviet prison and I met four guys called James, Kirk, Cliff and Lars, they all really hated me and they only spoke Russian in the prison and at lunch I met a cool baddie girl called Nyx and we came up with a plan to get the seggsy prison guard and the fat one but the fat one ended up having a seizure so we had to escape to Turkey and we all became a band on our way there so we started selling tour tickets and got really famous.