Aftershock
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- Parts 4
Ongoing31m
Last published Thu, Mar 26, 2015
Emily has felt like she was an adult since she was 16. That's when she moved out of her parent's house. Actually, it was probably some time before then, that she felt her childhood slipping away. Like, when her mother remarried an alcoholic hot-head when she was 10; or maybe when she was 11. That was when her mom and "dad" started their new family, and her, and her 8 year old sister learned how to care for infants and toddlers, and babysit. "Mr. Dad" wasn't the best dad.. in fact, he wasn't the best person. He couldn't handle his two step-daughters to begin with, when they decided to have a baby girl, and then… another! Those years were full of pain, abuse, feelings of betrayal, hate, and so on.
Life was out of control for her family: Mom and "dad" worked crazy night shifts; Emily and Stephanie babysat their two little sisters, went to school, and picked up the slack around the house; while dealing with an abusive, controlling man that always hovered over their shoulders. Their mother would pretend nothing was going on, and said their "father" was just "strict". Everyone around them knew better. But who was going to try and ruin a budding new family, over a couple of misfit, bastard, troublemakers?
Then, Mom got pregnant again, and the news that came from Emily's, then, 4 year old sister's mouth, floored her: "It's a girl AND a boy!" Enough was enough, and she left. Not as easily as that but, definitely, as quickly as that. And the only place to go from there...was downhill. Fast.
***
This is the story about the aftershock of my damaged youth. The real deal. Names are changed to protect the innocent... and not so innocent. Situations are changed to protect the personal life of the author, but I'm not going to make anything up. I feel like it's time to clean out my closet. It's time to organize these thoughts, and get them out there, so it's not bottled up inside. And maybe... they can stop haunting me late at night.
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***this book contains suicidal thoughts and tendencies, may not be appropriate for younger audiences*** In which she looks for the purpose of life. Lily Carter's parents died in a car crash leaving her and Laura, girl was depressed long before her parents passed away and with all the problems turning up now, Lily felt more miserable - if that's even possible. With her journey to look for life's purpose and grab the small pinch of HOPE - which is ironically her second name -, will she finally snap at the pressure and finally end it all? or will a small light lit her darkened world of grief and loneliness? * "So you know. The little goth girl who gets bullied is indeed a mess. There's this mess in her head that eats her alive everyday isn't it? What to do now Kaden? Tell the whole neighborhood and recieve an award for taking out a crazy in this world?" I spit like vomit. His eyes warmed up as I finished, "Lily. It isn't like that" "What is it then? People stopped caring... they gave up, why aren't you?" I fought my tears. "Because I feel the need to care. Did Leigh hurt you? Did she hit you?" he finally noticed the unusual redness of my cheek. I don't like the way he told me he needed to care for me. I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he is carrying and carrying leads to getting tired and when people gets tired, they give up. I don't want them to give up on me. But they will, so it's good not to make them care for me in the first place. "I never needed anyone. I stopped needing anyone before, why start now?" I uttered the words again. Why? There is nothing to fight for. No mama. No papa. No sister to love me. No one. So why would I waste my life and the time of others to fix what is already broken - and someone who doesn't want to be fixed? If I may add. Maybe I gave up. No, scratch that. I gave up a long time ago - when my parents died, my hope and purpose went away with them.
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