ASOUE: The Riveting Romance

Dear Reader,
Like doing your math homework, eating your vegetables and going to the dentist, reading about the unpleasant and depressing horrors in the love life of Klaus Baudelaire and Isadora Quagmire is not something you should want to do, but you unfortunately need to do since you have clicked on this book.

Unless you find such vexatious terrors such as literal cliffhangers, a love triangle that ends in a violent and comical fistfight, school dances, poisonous mushrooms and sad songs in a hotel room rather thrilling, then this book is most likely not for you.

While I have sworn to continue Mr. Snicket's research into the unsavory and detestable lives of the Baudelaire orphans, you simply have no business reading a repugnant love story such as this one and should find a much more happier book to read immediately.

Yours in despair,
AJSwagmire